What punishment does Lindsay Lohan deserve?

You might argue she should get off easy.  After all, when Lohan was arrested for investigation of misdemeanor driving under the influence and with a suspended license, and felony cocaine possession, perhaps she wasn’t hurting anyone but herself.  A victimless crime.

But in reality she hurt a great many people.  For starters, our soldiers in Iraq.

Last year, Lohan reportedly told Elle magazine:  “I’ve been trying to go to Iraq with Hillary Clinton for so long.  Hillary was trying to work it out, but it seemed too dangerous.”

Iraq’s too dangerous for whom – Lohan?  The way she drives, nothing’s too dangerous.  For Hillary?   Nah.  Perish the thought.  Heck, Hillary debates Kucinich.  You don’t think that takes guts?

Lohan told Elle: “I wanted to do what Marilyn Monroe did (during the Korean War), when she went and just set up a stage and did a concert for the troops all by herself. It’s so amazing seeing that one woman just going somewhere, this beautiful sex kitten, who’s basically a pinup, which is what I’ve always aspired to be.”

Hoo-ah!  Beautiful sex kittens – and presumably we’re still talking about Lohan , not Hillary – are just what our soldiers need right now.  That and body armor.  But they really need Lohan, that fearless sex kitten.  “I’m not afraid of going,” she told Elle. “My security guard is going to take me to a gun range when I get back to L.A., and I’m going to start taking shooting lessons.”

She would have been better off taking driving lessons, not shooting lessons.  But it’s a little too late for that kind of guidance, eh?  Alas, entertaining Iraq is now a dream deferred, if not forever dashed.  Lohan could have been for our Iraq troops what Stallone was for Vietnam vets and Schwarzenegger was for cyborgs.

Assuming Lohan does go to jail, depriving America of her talent for any period of time is a hardship that hits the political world worst of all.

Promoting her work in “Bobby” –  the politically-charged movie centering on Robert Kennedy’s assassination – Lohan said, according to the BBC, “I feel I have always been somewhat politically engaged.  I strongly encourage people of my age and generation to have a say and to vote, and to involve themselves in what’s going on in the world, because they are living in it.”

Living in it, indeed.  But Lohan was being far too modest.  She did more than just get an entire generation to vote.  She possess a unique wisdom – the wisdom of sending e-mails.  The kind which mention Al Gore.

And what better way to engage the world politically than invoke the almighty Al Gore.

In December, Slate ran what it claimed is an e-mail Lohan sent to 18 people.  The e-mail says, among other things (and we won’t embarrass Ms. Lohan further by including the obvious [sic’s]):

“I am willing to release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite letter to the press if any of you are willing to help. … I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me.  Which we all know and can obviously see.  People are just mean. …I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be and the way I work for it to be. … Al Gore will help me came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me.  If he is willing to help me.  Let’s find out.  Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton … would be willing, if we just ask.  If we just ASK.”

That ending, by the way, is sensational dramatic flair.  If … we … just … ASK.  Very Captain Kirk.  Works will with, Help me Obi Wan Al Gore, you’re my only hope.  And with Gore’s extended family, R2D2 and C3PO.

After that note appeared, a Gore representative told Access Hollywood: “I can confirm for you that Mr. Gore has only met Ms. Lohan once, very briefly, at the GQ Men of the Year dinner last week. There were hundreds of other guests.”

Of course, just because they’ve met just once doesn’t mean they still can’t love/hate each other.  Earlier last year, Gore told Jay Leno, “I’m in this HUGE feud with Lindsay Lohan.”

So throw the book at Lindsay Lohan.   She’s betraying America’s soldiers.  She’s abandoning a generation aspiring greatness and ballot access.  And she’s playing hard to get with Al Gore.

Is that any way for a sex kitten to act?