The Sunday Washington Post Magazine imagines …

President Heath Shuler’s “New Pioneers” call in 2017 for Americans to decentralize, to leave behind the congested and crumbling 1960s suburbs and embark on a massive resettlement of the land beyond the exurbs. Shuler’s lure was the great open spaces that were now finally fully linked to AmeriWeb, the wireless information network that extended into every community in the land, the result of the most massive public works project since the construction of the interstate highway system.

President Shuler?   Nice dream.  About as likely to come true as our old dreams of a completed pass.

Hail To The Outsourcing!

Cheers to Politico’s Anne Schroeder Mullins for this sensational Shenanigans item:

As the NFL Draft approaches ESPN.com lists the “Can-Miss Kids” on their homepage — aka the biggest busts in the NFL.

It lists Shuler at #4.

4. QB Heath Shuler (Tennessee)

Drafted by: Redskins, first round, No. 3 overall, 1994 Shuler started eight games as a rookie and certainly didn’t look like an immediate bust, throwing 10 TDs and 11 interceptions. However, over the next three years with the Redskins and Saints, he would throw 21 interceptions to just five touchdown passes. He was out of the league by 1998.

Poor things.

From this ….

To this ….

At this rate, soon they’ll be appearing at openings of new Olive Gardens.

A proud salute to former Redskin Darrell Green — and of course Art Monk — for getting selected into the Hall of Fame today.  This White House photo proves that even a presumed Dallas Cowboys fan could be happy in #28’s presence.

Mike Huckabee may need a running-mate.  Former Redskins coach Joe Gibbs certainly needs a new gig.  They both appeal to the same constituency.  So let’s start the speculation now.

And maybe make Chuck Norris the new defense coach.

Here’s a prediction a whole lot easier than who’s going to win the New Hampshire primaries: Who’s going to win the Washington Redskins-Seattle Seahawks Saturday showdown?

The answer: the Redskins.  No questions, no doubts.

Why such an effortless prediction?

Simple.  You can find the answer in the Washington Post.  Specifically the Post’s on-again outrage over the name Redskins.

The anger hath returned.  We only experience it when the Redskins are winning.  When they’re losing, no one take soffense.

Latest example is this Courtland Milloy piece:

These are the times that try Suzan Harjo’s Cheyenne soul.

Her lawsuit claiming that the name “Redskins” denigrates Native Americans appears to have stalled in the courts. Several tribal elders who were among her staunchest allies recently died. And everywhere she looks, the dreaded name and logo of Washington’s professional football team are in full bloom.

Followed by this school-marmish letter to the editor today:

Please keep paying Courtland Milloy. He seems to be the only reporter around here willing to shed light on a subject that few people want to talk about [”For Cheyenne Woman, It Still Hurts to Hail the Home Team,” Metro, Jan. 2].
The derogatory nature of the word “redskin” hurts all of us; the Washington football team’s name should be changed. I am not surprised that the franchise’s unwillingness to do so hurts Suzan Harjo. Even though I’m not Native American, it hurts me, too.
This is a small symptom of a much larger problem in this country. The name is cruel and racist.
I’m raising three children who won’t root for the team, give the franchise their money or use the word “redskin” — because they’ve been raised knowing its true origin. You’re not alone, Ms. Harjo.
It’s time to grow up, Washington.

Actually, throw up, Washington.

This is predictable paint-by-numbers rubbish. These fair weather protestors — bandwagon bashers, even — are outraged only when the team is doing well on the field. Is it no nearly as offensive when the team is losing?  Keep in mond, the outaged set claims the Native American land was stolen by the imperialist cowboys. So why aren’t they rejoicing at the Redskins beating the Cowboys? Were they upset at all when the Cowboys had a 13-game winning streak against the Redskins from 1996-2003?

Anger at the name Redskins hasn’t happened in a long time. Let’s take it as a good sign that the team is doing well.  On to more venom — and the Super Bowl!

Caught up in Redskins playoff fever?

A loyal Extreme Mortman reader sends in this photoshop, suggesting Ted Kennedy is gearing up as well.

A loyal Extreme Mortman reader — and fellow Redskins fan — sends the below photo along with this note:

Here’s a hot tip: the Redskins picked up an All-Pro lineman for their playoff run, and from the unlikeliest of places — the U.S. Senate.

Looks like a photo from training camp.  Kennedy really can navigate those cones.

Earlier this week, the New York Times’ John Harwood exclusively observed this to Extreme Mortman …

The Washington Redskins are the Mike Huckabee of the NFL.

Judging by the results of both the latest Iowa polls and today’s Dallas Cowboys game, however, it looks like Huckabee and the ‘Skins now are headed in opposite directions.

So rather than cite what Mike Huckabee had to say today on “Meet the Press” or on the campaign trail, it’s a better use of our time to quote Washington’s newest rising star, Redskins quarterback Todd Collins.

Here he is in USA Today:

Todd Collins earned a degree in political science from the University of Michigan, and is intrigued by the presidential political process this time of the year.

“I know it’s still early,” the Washington Redskins quarterback says, “but the Iowa caucuses are in just a few days, right? And then New Hampshire?”

Right.

“So we’ll just have to see what shakes out. It’s going to be real interesting, though. I’m just kind of enjoying it as a spectator right now.”

Being that Collins loves almost all things Massachusetts, what does he think about the chances of his state’s former governor, Republican Mitt Romney?

“Well, he did OK in Massachusetts, but I’m still waiting to see what happens in the caucuses,” Collins says.

On the Democratic side, Collins agrees with the idea that a woman (Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton) or a black man (Sen. Barack Obama) might win the nomination for president and have a credible shot at the White House is a welcome chance to watch history.

Clinton’s chances? “I guess she’s still leading in the national polls, but it’s so early,” he says. “Could she do it? Sure.”

Could Obama do it? “I don’t see why not. It seems like he has a lot of growing support out there right now.”

That works for us.  With Collins leading the Redskins into the playoffs, we’ll take anything he says about the presidential campaign as gospel.  He certainly bests the last Redskin quarterback who ventured into politics, Heath Shuler.  And as burgundy-and-gold fervor sweeps the nation, perhaps Hillary Clinton might even consider changing her name to Hillary Clinton Portis.