Our good friend and fellow fan of political comedy Daniel Kurtzman has this article in the New York Times:

The Other Math: How the Democratic Race Was Really Won.  This year’s Democratic nominating process was so convoluted and arcane, who could possibly make sense of it? Here’s how the outcome could have been determined with just as much accuracy and without the affliction of 21 election nights:

Click here to read the hilarious piece.

Dan edits the Political Humor page of About.com.  He is author of the books “How to Win a Fight With a Conservative” and “How to Win a Fight With a Liberal.”

George Carlin about to play his toughest crowd yet?

Never thought you’d hear that again, right?

Well, how else to react after reading this in Fishbowl:

Oh, get excited people: News is beginning to drip out about White House Correspondents’ Weekend. Like, that the Vanity Fair party is on! Ben Affleck’s gonna be there! Ashlee Simpson! Meghan McCain, too! And this will be an awkward table: Mark Penn and Karl Rove (Newsweek guests).

Yawn. Boring! C’mon, people! There’s only one celebrity we care about these days — Sinbad!

Five bucks to the news outlet that scores Sinbad at its table.

Ten bucks to anyone who doesn’t.

Now here’s the best letter to the Washington Post editor we’ve seen in quite some time:

Arlen Specter Is Funny

Gene Weingarten’s critical Nov. 18 column in the Magazine certainly missed the audience’s loud and long laughter in response to Sen. Arlen Specter’s humor in the charity celebrity contest. Readers can judge for themselves by viewing the performance on YouTube, which has had more than 12,000 hits. Keith Olbermann featured part of it on MSNBC, and Philadelphia’s CBS radio station played the entire soundtrack with riotous responses.

– Kate Kelly

I was at that comedy contest.  And I gotta say, having heard Arlen Specter’s act, I now believe this country really does need to broaden its definition of torture.

Oh, the abundance of Rudy Giuliani-inspired cell phone bits. Oh, the prevalent Larry Craig potty humor (Extreme Mortman gag: Of course it was entrapment. Mark Foley was in the other stall. Hi-yo!). Oh, the generous sprinkling of Mike Gravel as an all-purpose punch line.

Last night was a rare night out for Extreme Mortman as we sampled the DC celebrity comedy scene at the Improv for the Funniest Celebrity in DC Contest. Of course, if you’re truly a political/media/DC insider, you know the annual show to be one-third contest, one-third comedy, and one-third solemn occasion as we continue to mourn the tragedy of 1999 when (and this has nothing to do with Turkey and Armenia) Joe Lieberman won the judge’s tally and beat out a young, pre-extreme Howard Mortman to become the annointed one (how ironic that judges selected Joe Lieberman then, but turned their back on him and Al Gore two years later). (By the way, Extreme Mortman gag: Joe Lieberman is so religious, he won’t vote for beef subsidies and dairy price supports on the same day. Hi-yo!)
The contest being what it is, independent-minded Jewish Senators naturally steal the show. And last night’s Arlen Specter performance was a spectacular and hilarious rehash of jokes he tells on the fundraising circuit. Bob Dole looms large in his semi-blue schtick. With an Ed Sullivan look and a Henny Youngman machine-gun delivery, Specter certainly plays well to the Inside-the-Borscht-Beltway crowd.

The dude from the Onion gave a polished and quite funny performance as well (we’re too lazy at the moment to look up his name. We think it was something like “Chris Rock.”) And the dreamy-so-dreamy Patrick Gavin of Fishbowl and Yeas & Nays brilliance offered this superb formula: “Is there any bigger oxymoron than ‘D.C.’s Funniest Celebrity’? You might as well do a contest for ‘D.C.’s best public school.’” Hi-yo!
We couldn’t quite figure out which charity benefited from the proceeds. We think it was it was a philanthropy foundation called “Politico,” because the name was everywhere (and thanks Politico for the invite!). Rest assured, though, every dollar raised goes to pay the salary of upper-level administrators. Hi-yo!

We have no idea who won. The DC Funniest Celebrity Contest, after all, is very much like the Academy Awards — after five hours they’re only up to best supporting actress.

Big names on stage, bigger name media celebs as judges. Bob Somerby: “If it weren’t for that panel of judges, we wouldn’t be in Iraq today.”

And further proof that “celebrity” is Latin for “willing to attend.”

Lots of folks still trying to make sense of Rudy Giuliani’s cell phone schtick — the bit in which his wife supposedly calls when he’s at the podium during a speech.
It’s a funny one-man skit — when it’s done by the master and originator, Bob Newhart.

Newhart’s routine of Abe Lincoln getting a call from his PR guy with advice on the Gettysburg Address (”Abe Lincoln vs. Madison Avenue”) is a timeless classic.

Better off leaving the premise to the professionals.  See it here for yourself.

The Los Angeles Times’ political blog Top of the Ticket notes:

There’s a flood of candidates heading for appearances on Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show” in the next few weeks, many of them second-tier wannabes desperate for any TV exposure — even if they get laughed at late at night by young people who don’t bother to vote much.

And this kicker:

Sen. Hillary Clinton has never been on the topical comedy show despite her genuine smile, warm charm and spontaneous wit.

We learn from that mischievously delightful Yeas & Nays column in the DC Examiner that …

Sen. Arlen Specter, R-Pa., will compete for the title of Funniest Celebrity this fall at the annual contest.

Specter funny? Last year we caught him telling this joke: “I never see Senator Kennedy in the Senate gym. The rumor is that Senator Kennedy hasn’t been in the Senate gym since the Johnson administration — the Andrew Johnson administration.”

Ba-dum. Surely Specter has more killer material just like that, maybe something involving Earl Warren.

Don’t knock it.  That stuff works on these guys.

Long time Extreme Mortman favorite Daniel Kurtzman, who produces the tremendously fanstatic Political Humor site at about.com, has a wonderfully entertaining two-book set out called How to Win a Fight with a Conservative and How to Win a Fight with a Liberal.  The books are a must-read.  In fact, one of these days I must read them.

Now, in one handy dandy blog entry, is everything you need to know about this incredibly sensational reading opportunity.

1)  What the books look like:

2)  What the books sound like (click here)

3)  What the books smell like (click here)

4)  What the books taste like (click here)

5)  What happens to the books when immersed in water  (click here).

Now go buy several copies.   Send an unmistakably hilarious message to the evil-doers.

Anything left to say about the Kerry Komedy Klub Kerfuffle?

Of course!  But before we bring in the lesbians, let’s dissect John Kerry’s actual joke — as written for delivery:

“Do you know where you end up if you don’t study, if you aren’t smart, if you’re intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq. Just ask President Bush.”

That’s the problem — a lousy punch line.  Let’s sprinkle our magical comedy dust on the joke to make it, well, you know, FUNNY!

Revised suggestion:

“Do you know where you end up if you don’t study, if you aren’t smart, if you’re intellectually lazy? You end up in the White House.”

Boom — that’s all you need. Easy in, easy out.  No tortured apology.

Campaign trail comedy doesn’t always work.  Surely you remember from the 1992 persidential campaign Bob Kerrey and the lesbians?  Revisiting that episode is actually instructive not only to see how jokes can go wrong, but how apologies can go right.  Check out David Beckwith in this Nov. 1991 New York Times story:

Vice President Dan Quayle’s press secretary has apologized for a jest about lesbians that he told on the heels of a lesbian joke told last week by Senator Bob Kerrey of Nebraska, a Democratic Presidential candidate. “My attempt to do a favor to Bob Kerrey by distracting attention from his predicament has obviously failed,” the Vice President’s press secretary, David Beckwith, said in an interview on Friday. “So I’m retracting my joke. It wasn’t very funny anyway.”

Today’s New York Times reports this about John Kerry:

“Do you need to go to joke school?” one reporter asked him.

“Sure,” Mr. Kerry replied — a notably concise answer for a senator who typically speaks in paragraphs.

Damn straight.  With an elective in joke apology.