Maybe the producers at ABC News should switch to something deCALFeinated

Rep. Ed Markey (D-MA) has quite a distinction.  He chairs the only new committee that Nancy Pelosi has created as Speaker, the Select Committee on Energy Independence and Global Warming.

Presumably that distinction gives Markey official license to design some pretty creative metaphors, such as this:

“The truth is, the planet has a fever, but there are no hospitals for sick planets.  We have to find a way of engaging in preventative planet health care.”

Of course, on the bright side of things, at least the planet doesn’t have to eat hospital food.

When remembering Charlton Heston, consider what he said about global warming.

And to think, it was Al Gore who won the Oscar.

Pity, please, the poor folks who run the New Alternatives mutual fund.

We learn this from Kiplinger:

Ethanol, biofuels, and solar, wind and ocean power. With oil prices in the stratosphere, everyone, it seems, is suddenly interested in alternative energy. But Maurice Schoenwald and his son, David, have been exploring the best investment opportunities in this rapidly growing industry for more than a quarter-century…. The Schoenwalds are passionate liberals who employ social screens to pick stocks. Several years ago, they sold their position in Chesapeake Energy after learning that its chief executive was involved in Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, a group that opposed Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry in 2004. Chesapeake’s stock subsequently turned out to be a big winner.

Yeessshh.  Remind me not to entrust my family’s financial security with those earnest folks.  Heck, why not just let it all ride on Ben & Jerry’s stock?

Watch Tom Friedman connect the Southern California fires to … global warming:

Yes, I really enjoyed playing golf in late October, as though it were July. But you know what? It also felt a little freaky. Should I be enjoying this? Is there some connection between this and the fires I saw burning in California the very next day? I know the answer is complicated.

Suspected arsonists further complicating — or, more likely, simplifying — the story notwithstanding, I guess we need to fawn over Friedman’s golfy thoughts because, well he is a Pulitzer Prize winner, and he writes for the Sunday New York Times, and, well, the man doesn’t just define gravitas, he redefines it.  But can’t the Times’ “foreign-affairs columnist” just stick to reminding us the world is flat and stop wondering why parts of it are on fire?

Not sure if the Fairness Doctrine covers botanical gardens, but here’s something curious we learn today:

GARDEN TOUR, GLOBAL WARMING MOVIE, a tour of Meadowlark Botanical Gardens followed by an outdoor screening of former vice president Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth.” Bring lawn chairs or blankets; food for sale; sponsored by the Northern Virginia Regional Park Authority. 3 p.m., 9750 Meadowlark Gardens Ct., Vienna. Free. 703-255-3631 or http://www.nvrpa.org.

In the interest of equal time, I sure hope the Park Authority next sponsors “Red Dawn.”

According to the AP’s report of the new Osama bin Laden videotape,

He also shows a grasp of current events, dropping mentions of global warming and saying Americans are “reeling under the burdens” of a mortgage crisis.

Now there’s a motive for the world’s most sinister terrorist: His adjustable rate mortgage is coming due and he can’t get a subprime loan to pay for a new Prius.  Until Bernanke cuts interest rates, no doubt bin Laden will remain angry that all his weapons of mass destruction are being recalled to China because of lead-based paint.  He probably also still feels let down by the Sopranos’ unsatisfying ending.  In other words, blame the troop surge in Iraq.

Something called the U.S. Climate Emergency Council sends out this letter:

Dear Friends,

As global warming rapidly intensifies, the prospect of much more extensive hunger worldwide becomes increasingly likely, especially in poor countries, due to drought, Katrina-like storms, glacial melting and sea level rise. These impacts will lead to crop failures and economic and social disruption on a massive scale.

To draw attention to this threat and its moral implications, we are calling on thousands of concerned citizens to voluntarily give up food for one day on September 4th, 2007.

Give up food for a day?  How daring.  How brave.  How …. Yom Kippur.

Get ready for a new complaint to add to the global warming litany: a wine whine, courtesy of, whom else?, the French:

Here’s the French grape gripe from today’s Washington Post:

“Of course, we have to adapt to climate changes,” said Boesch, the association president and a wine grower. But he added, “We have to preserve our identity. Our identity is not Syrah, it’s Riesling.”

Ah, that proud French identity. Maybe they should start identifying instead with booze more suited to warmer climates. A suggestion: Instead of more vineyards, the French could start planting rum-and-cokes.

Best press release in a while comes from The Israel Project:  “Israeli Climatologists Available for Comment on Hurricane Dean and Climate Change Developments.”

No doubt these experts been ready to talk about these type of phenomena ever since the Red Sea divided.