Yesterday we enjoyed this threat by Harry Reid:

“We’ll be here this weekend. There’s a lot to do.”

So what exactly is Congress doing these days?

Here’s something: A press release — in its entirety — from Rep. Anna Eshoo (D-CA)….

Loud Commercials Muffled by Eshoo’s CALM Act

June 13, 2008

Washington, DC – Rep. Anna G. Eshoo (D-Palo Alto) introduced the Commercial Advertisement Loudness Mitigation Act (CALM Act) to address loud commercials. The bill would direct the FCC to enact within one year rules requiring that television advertisements not be excessively noisy.

“Most Americans are not overjoyed to watch television commercials, but they are willing to tolerate them to sustain free over-the-air television. What annoys all of us is the sudden increase of volume when commercials are aired,” Eshoo said.

“A TV program has a mix of audio levels. There are loud and soft parts. Nuance is used to build the dramatic effect. Most advertisers don’t want nuance. They want to grab our attention, and to do this, they record every part of it as loud as possible.”

“My legislation will reduce the volume of commercials in order to bring them to same level as the programs they accompany.”

Hmmm, interesting.  But one question: Any chance the mute button could be mandated for these videos?:  http://youtube.com/user/RepAnnaEshoo

A quick case study in how the media covers the burgeoning bris industry:

Washington Post:  “Speaking near a Fox News microphone that he thought was turned off, the Rev. Jesse L. Jackson on Sunday disparaged Sen. Barack Obama’s embrace of faith-based social services, using crude language to suggest that he wanted to castrate the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee.”

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer:  And I want to go back to Don Lemon, who has been working this story for us.  As precise as we can be, tell our viewers what exactly he said. We can’t be exact here in THE SITUATION ROOM. But the remarks he made, disparaging Senator Obama were, as he himself acknowledges now, rather crude.
LEMON: Well, it’s to the effect that Barack Obama was cutting off his manhood with black people, or genitals, or something.
BLITZER: Male private parts. The suggestion really was castration, if you will.

Guardian:  “Clarence Page, a columnist at the Chicago Tribune, reported on the paper’s political blog yesterday that Jackson had said Obama was going to get his “twin objects of male anatomy” cut off.”

AP:  “The Fox News program ‘The O’Reilly Factor’ aired Jackson’s comment Wednesday night, including a slang reference to his wanting to cut off Obama’s testicles. The report bleeped out the slang but made clear what Jackson said with subtitles.”

Los Angeles Times:  “I want to cut his nuts off,” Jackson said, making a jabbing gesture with his hand.”

Bottom line: no castration without representation.

(photo hat tip: L.A. Times’ Top of the Ticket)

Washington Wizard Gilbert Arenas, who agreed to a six-year, $111 million contract with the Wizards after the team offered him a six-year deal worth between $125 million and $127 million:

“I looked at like this: There is nothing I can do for my family with $127 million that I can’t do with $111 million.  I mean, college is expensive but it ain’t that dang expensive.”

Also, John McCaslin, Hunk.

Yes, those titles and more for the sensationally wonderful Inside the Beltway columnist for the Washington Times, particularly after he ran this insightfully entrepreneurial item this week:

Thrills and groans

Washington political observer Howard Mortman (ExtremeMortman.com) has just posted another batch of the Top Ten Funniest Political Quotes So Far In 2008.

“Fortunately … a wealth of material to work with,” Mr. Mortman notes. “The challenge was trimming, not scrambling.”

In our opinion it’s difficult to beat No. 2 on the list, figuring MSNBC “Hardball” host Chris Matthews actually admitted: “It’s part of reporting this case, this election, the feeling most people get when they hear Barack Obama’s speech. My, I felt this thrill going up my leg. I mean, I don’t have that too often.”

But former President Bill Clinton did not disappoint, expressing in no uncertain terms: “The country is groaning and moaning and screaming for change to turn this country around and get it working again.”

President Bush meeting today with President Arroyo of the Philippines:

“I reminded the President that I am reminded of the great talent of the — of our Philippine-Americans when I eat dinner at the White House.”

Here at the glass-enclosed nerve center of Extreme Mortman, we don’t wait until the end of the year to run our top ten funniest lists.  No, come end of June, we dive right in.  Yes, we’re that bold.  Fortunately, so far 2008 has given us a wealth of material to work with.  The challenge was trimming, not scrambling.  So without further introduction — after all, there’s not much more you can say about a top ten list — here’s the top ten funniest political quotes so far in 2008.

10. Rep. Peter DeFazio (D-OR):

“Tyler Duvall is a little pointy-headed neocon with grand ideas about the future of transportation, and they all involve tolling. He’s bright, young, energetic — just totally wrong, and has a bizarre, neocon view of transportation.”

9. Barack Obama:

“I am absolutely certain that, generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless. .  .  . This was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal.”

8. Hillary Clinton:

“The last time I looked, Virginia had more sunny days than Germany.”

7. Al Gore:

“If you care about food safety, if you like a T on your BLT, you know that elections matter.”

6. Mike Huckabee, on what squirrel tastes like:

“It tastes like squirrel.”

5.  Larry King’s questions to his panel discussing Eliot Spitzer:

• “Under what circumstances, Jason, did you first connect with her?”
• “How successful was she when she went to work for you? How successful was she at what she did?”
• “Because someone is physically beautiful, does that mean they would be a good prostitute?”
• “Not wanting to wear a condom. What would it be to you, Babydol?”
• “How does the escort feel, Kathleen?”
• “And, apparently, it’s going to get, if the term is right, more huge”
• “Kathleen, is this going to be bigger and bigger, do you think?”
• “Natalie, do any hookers ever marry their johns?”

4. Rep. Jim Moran (D-VA):

“I’m not going to discuss what I played with this morning.”

3.  Sen. Joe Biden (D-DE), hearing testimony from Gen. David Petraeus:

PETRAEUS: Senator, the vice president was in Iraq just a couple weeks after that, and he also had a very warm reception.
BIDEN: Did he get kissed? Get a kiss?
PETRAEUS: I believe he did get kissed when he was there.
BIDEN: I just want to know whether he got kissed, that’s all.

2.  Chris Matthews:

“It’s part of reporting this case, this election, the feeling most people get when they hear Barack Obama’s speech. My, I felt this thrill going up my leg. I mean, I don’t have that too often.”

1.  Bill Clinton:

“The country is groaning and moaning and screaming for change to turn this country around and get it working again.”

At first we were surprised that Al Gore endorsed so early in the contest.  It’s only June, and he’s already made his mind to support Barack Obama.

Then we realized why he made the courageous act to rush out his announcement: it’s because he’s got killer material, but it’s quite topical.

From Gore’s endorsement speech last night:

If you care about food safety, if you like a T on your BLT, you know that elections matter.

Hilarious.  Bush to blame for salmonella.  If only Gore had some funny way to blame Bush for the Iowa floods.  Sure beats kissing a pig at the Iowa state fair.

Or kissing a pet, as evidenced by this Gore line also from last night:

After the last eight years, even our dogs and cats have learned that elections matter.

Hilarious again.  No, you wouldn’t wanted to sit on jokes with a shelf line so short.

Go get ‘im Al — maybe there’s still more Supreme Court jokes in you.

From NBC/First Read story on John McCain:

a misreading of the teleprompter led McCain to sound a little bit more like a teetotaler fraternity president than a presidential candidate. Speaking about his use of the veto pen to eliminate wasteful spending, he declared, “I will veto every single beer, um, bill with earmarks.”

Great catch in the new Weekly Standard:

“The journey will be difficult. The road will be long. I face this challenge–I face this challenge with profound humility and knowledge of my own limitations .  .  .

“I am absolutely certain that, generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless. .  .  . This was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal.” –Barack Obama, June 3, 2008

And then this happened …