The good, wise folks at Blog P.I. tell me that if I write a nasty blog post about Ron Paul, I might get lots of comments.  So let’s take that theory out for a test drive.

First, let’s get their attention: Ron Paul Ron Paul Ron Paul Ron Paul Ron Paul.  And, for good measure,  Ron Pall.

Second, let’s say this: Ron Paul is not a real Republican.

Third, let’s wonder this: Is Ron Paul crazy?

Fourth, let’s make fun of the gold standard: Oh wait, I can’t do that.  I used to work for Jack Kemp.

Over the weekend, we here at Extreme Mortman thought we were being clever by using faux “West-Wing”-esque-like language to make fun of actress Melissa Fitzgerald thinking of running for a House seat in Pennsylvania, pending her epiphany of where she actually lives.

Alas, we made the rookie mistake of not including an actual picture of the assistant to C.J. Cregg (Clegg? Craig? Czegg? Sorry, we never really watched the show), which one of our commenters noted.

So without further adieu — or any other fancy faux Aaron Sorkin-esque-like word — please welcome wannabe Congresswoman Melissa Fitzgerald.

Among the many story lines from Hillary Clinton’s boffo first quarter fundraising success: the Internet graduated from campaign novelty to campaign strategic tool.

Check out this paragraph from the Post’s story on the Clinton’s treasure:

She also raised $4.2 million on the Internet during the quarter. Eighty percent of her donations came in amounts of $100 or less.

That’s a critical point that shouldn’t be lost.  This is more than a YouTube moment, more than macaca or Apple.  This is the Internet lowering the acquisition cost for raising money, potentially turning campaign economics on its heads.  Traditional fundraising consultants may not want you to be aware of this, just like traditional media consultants probably aren’t too thirlled about YouTube.  But the Internet right now is changing the way campaigns do business, in the literal sense.

Hillary’s staggering figures are good news for her.  But greater news for Internet politics.

(UPDATE: More here from Donna Bogatin at ZDNet. Good post.)

Anything left to say about the Kerry Komedy Klub Kerfuffle?

Of course!  But before we bring in the lesbians, let’s dissect John Kerry’s actual joke — as written for delivery:

“Do you know where you end up if you don’t study, if you aren’t smart, if you’re intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq. Just ask President Bush.”

That’s the problem — a lousy punch line.  Let’s sprinkle our magical comedy dust on the joke to make it, well, you know, FUNNY!

Revised suggestion:

“Do you know where you end up if you don’t study, if you aren’t smart, if you’re intellectually lazy? You end up in the White House.”

Boom — that’s all you need. Easy in, easy out.  No tortured apology.

Campaign trail comedy doesn’t always work.  Surely you remember from the 1992 persidential campaign Bob Kerrey and the lesbians?  Revisiting that episode is actually instructive not only to see how jokes can go wrong, but how apologies can go right.  Check out David Beckwith in this Nov. 1991 New York Times story:

Vice President Dan Quayle’s press secretary has apologized for a jest about lesbians that he told on the heels of a lesbian joke told last week by Senator Bob Kerrey of Nebraska, a Democratic Presidential candidate. “My attempt to do a favor to Bob Kerrey by distracting attention from his predicament has obviously failed,” the Vice President’s press secretary, David Beckwith, said in an interview on Friday. “So I’m retracting my joke. It wasn’t very funny anyway.”

Today’s New York Times reports this about John Kerry:

“Do you need to go to joke school?” one reporter asked him.

“Sure,” Mr. Kerry replied — a notably concise answer for a senator who typically speaks in paragraphs.

Damn straight.  With an elective in joke apology.

The Hotline’s Jonathan Martin writes in the New Republic on Tennessee State Senator Steve Cohen, who is vying for the seat vacated by fellow Democrat Representative Harold Ford Jr., who is running for Senate.

Should he be elected, Ford will be the first black senator from the South since Reconstruction. Should Cohen be elected, he will be the first Jew ever sent to the House from a majority black district (not to mention the first Jew ever to apply to the CBC [Congressional Black Caucus]). …[He] likens his voting record to that of “a black woman.” A Great Society Democrat in a region that favors New Democrats, he describes himself as “definitely a liberal” in a state that definitely isn’t. Cohen, 57, calls Jackson Browne and Julian Bond friends, admires Barack Obama, Russ Feingold, and George McGovern, and says he loves Memphis’s famed barbecue and ribs “more than anybody.”

Haaretz today begins a new feature: “The Israel Factor: Ranking the presidential candidates.”  From worst for Israel to best for Israel.

Haaretz correspondent Shmuel Rosner:

There’s one outright winner in this month’s “Israel Factor” rankings: Rudy Giuliani, the former mayor of New York City. After tallying the scores provided by our panelists, Giuliani emerges as the clear frontrunner. Even those on the panel who gave him lower grades on questions related to specific topics, ranked him high on the fifth and decisive question: “How good for Israel is the candidate?”

Interesting letter in today’s Washington Times about anti-Semitism on Moveon.org’s website:

Eli Pariser, MoveOn.org’s political action executive director, has been somewhat disingenuous in disclaiming MoveOn.org’s responsibility for the anti-American and anti-Semitic slurs that have been appearing all over its Action Forum (”MoveOn and hate speech,” Letters, Saturday).
First, MoveOn.org has always had the power to moderate this forum. Objections to slurs like “Jew Lieberman” were in fact removed while the slurs themselves were allowed to stand. Only when Robert Goldberg’s “Donkey See, Monkey Do” Op-Ed (Aug. 29) exposed this scandal did MoveOn try to sweep the worst of the evidence under the rug. Unfortunately for MoveOn.org, much of it is still cached on Google and has been downloaded and posted elsewhere for all to see.
The MoveOn community shows overwhelming approval for accusations that Jews do not serve in the U.S. military, Jews are loyal to Israel instead of the United States, America is a war criminal country, and other, often worse, critcisms.
It is time for all liberals who consider themselves ladies or gentlemen to walk away from MoveOn.org’s anti-Americanism and anti-Semitism. Candidates like Ned Lamont and Bob Casey cannot control who endorses them but they can reject MoveOn’s endorsement the way President Reagan rejected the Ku Klux Klan’s.
WILLIAM A. LEVINSON, Wilkes-Barre, Pa.

Two consecutive front-page Washington Post stories merits Sen. George Allen (R-VA) “Joebituary” status –  the Post writing on the front page about a Senator’s re-election prospects seemingly in the past tense, like it did to Joe Lieberman.  Of course, Allen probably deserves the attention given the Post’s massive readership numbers and influence in Virginia.  Still, where was this scrutiny when Sen. Joe Biden (D-DE) had his dust-up with Indian-Americans?

Biden’s not a home-town Senator, you say?  Hey, have you seen Delaware’s Rehoboth Beach in the summer?  It’s all DC insiders!

Meanwhile, as we reach clarity on two main points – (1) Allen was wrong wrong wrong to call someone a macaca; and (2) what is a macaca? — perhaps the following might be the answer: Allen wasn’t really saying Jim Webb’s guy was a macaca.  He misspoke when comparing him to Hawaii Democratic Sen. Daniel Akaka.

Top-of-the-fold Washington Post headline this morning on Virginia Sen. George Allen and macaca: “Allen Quip Provokes Outrage, Apology Name Insults Webb Volunteer.”

But does the video incident translate into real-time online advantage for Allen opponent Jim Webb?

Not if you go by youtube rankings.

A “George Allen” search on youtube right now produces these top three results:

1. George Allen campaign commercial: 454 views
2. macaca video: 141 views
3. George Allen campaign commercial: 463 views

Exchange on this morning’s “Washington Journal” between C-SPAN host Steve Scully and Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine, who chaired Joe Lieberman’s 2004 presidential campaign:

SCULLY: IF HE DOESN’T WIN,WHO WOULD YOU SUPPORT IN THE SENATE RACE IN CONNECTICUT?

KAINE: I WOULD ENCOURAGE HIM NOT TO RUN AS AN INDEPENDENT, AND I DON’T KNOW NED LAMONT. YOU KNOW, HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT WHETHER VIRGINIA GOVERNOR SUPPORTS HIM OR NOT, BUT POLITICS IS A TEAM SPORT. AND I WILL WANT THE DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE TO WIN.

And this:

SCULLY: IS FORMER GOVERNOR [MARK] WARNER RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT?    
KAINE: I DON’T KNOW. YOU’LL HAVE TO ASK SOMEBODY ELSE.  I HOPE HE DOES. BECAUSE MARK WARNER WAS A GREAT GOVERNOR OF VIRGINIA.  I’VE KNOWN HIM 25 YEARS. I KNOW HIS INTELLIGENCE AND HIS DRIVE AND DEDICATION.  AND HE’S VERY, VERY CREATIVE.  AND I THINK WE NEED THAT KIND OF SMART AND EXTREMELY PRACTICAL COMMON SENSE FOCUS IN WASHINGTON THAT GOVERNOR WARNER BROUGHT TO VIRGINIA.  I KNOW HE CAN CONTINUE TO DO THAT ON A NATIONAL STAGE IF HE CHOOSES TO.