John Hawkins at Right Wing News lists the 40 most obnoxious quotes of 2007.

Every one is a winner.  Our favorite comes from Roseanne Barr:

“Hillary Clinton and Barack Hussein Obama cannot win, and they are put in place to assure a victory by Mitt Romney… this is the plan of all the insurance companies that are owned by Mormon interests. It is unfolding as the Mormon church planned over the last fifty years.”

Time magazine picked Vladimir Putin.  Weekly Standard went with David Petraeus.

They’re both wrong.  The Man of the Year, the winner of 2007 Extreme Man of the Year honors, is Tony Snow.

He’s the smartest hire the Bush administration made.  He was the most articulate voice on Iraq policy — and most other policies.   He had the most compelling non-military personal story of anyone in the administration.  And he’s someone who pulled off the unthinkable: he went out on top, with both his conservative credentials intact and with the love and adoration of the media.  Never again in our lifetime.

There’s also quantitative reasons to make Tony Snow Extreme Man of the Year.  An examination of our top ten most-read blog postings in 2007 puts Tony in the number two and number ten spots.  Clearly there was an appetite for Tony Snow.

Here’s the full listing of the most-read Extreme Mortman blog postings from 2007:
1) Oddly, our biggest hits in 2007 were about 2006 — the top ten funniest political quotes of 2006 and the top ten funniest things celebrities said about politics in 2007. So let’s go ahead and plug again this year’s lists: top ten funniest quotes by politicians in 2007 and top ten funniest media quotes of 2007.

And the rest of the list:

2) The best of Tony Snow versus Helen Thomas exchanges at the White House.

3) Don Rumsfeld chatting up Doug Feith! “Not just chatting, laughing. Laughing really, really hard. The kind of laughter that’s so hard it could cause a mistrial if the Scooter Libby jury ever heard it.”

4) After the Virginia Tech tragedy, a member of the White House press corps asks: “Does there need to be some more restrictions? Does there need to be gun control in this country?”

5) CNN’s “Fairness Doctrine”: the New Hampshire Democratic debate

6) “First, the Democrats turned against President Bush on Iraq. Then, Republicans. Now, who’s next? Could it be — yes, it is … it’s the White House press corps that doesn’t care for Bush’s Iraq policy. At least Bush’s Iraq policy on the White House press corps.”

7) “You know you’re in really sorry shape as a presidential debate moderator when another member of the press — a far more famous and powerful member — demands your resignation. That’s where we stand today with Des Moines Register editor Carolyn Washburn — and the Washington Post’s Dana Milbank.”

8) Remembering when we were all worked up about global cooling — the April 1975 Newsweek cover story.

9) “It’s Mourning in America“: Maria Bartiromo leaves us all depressed following the Republican presidential candidate economics debate.

10) Tony Snow: “As some people in this room are suddenly finding out, the alternative minimum tax is a way of declaring working people rich and raising their taxes. I know a number of you have suggested in recent days that you’re starting to feel the bite of the AMT.”

Think Maureen Dowd is the closest the New York Times gets to funny?

Not to fear — she’s not the standard. Daniel Kurtzman is.  The editor the Political Humor page of About.com brings real funny to the Times with this hilariously zany piece: “The Year’s Most Laughable Political Antics.”  Click here to read.  Our favorites from Daniel’s list:

• Best Debate Sound Bite From a Republican: “In case you missed it, a few days ago Senator Clinton tried to spend $1 million on the Woodstock concert museum. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I wasn’t there. I’m sure it was a cultural and pharmaceutical event. I was tied up at the time.” —John McCain, referring to the years he spent as a P.O.W.
• Least Surprising Revelation: Dennis Kucinich’s admission that he once communed with a UFO, confirming an account in Shirley MacLaine’s book that said he “felt a connection in his heart and heard directions in his mind” as an otherworldly, triangular craft hovered above him. As David Letterman joked, “Dennis Kucinich doesn’t seem like the type of guy who would see a UFO; he seems like the kind of guy you’d see coming out of a UFO.”
• Best Fodder for the Late-Night Comedians: Senator Larry Craig (R-estroom) gave “new meaning to the word caucusing” (David Letterman) when he was caught playing footsie in the men’s room with his infamous “wide stance.” Craig announced his resignation, then later reversed his decision after “talking it over with guy in stall number 3” (Conan O’Brien), angering his Republican colleagues, some of whom “stopped having sex with him” (Jimmy Kimmel). The staunchly anti-gay lawmaker denied being a hypocrite, saying, “Hey, I wasn’t trying to marry the cop in the bathroom” (O’Brien). Later, he was inducted into the Idaho Hall of Fame — not the entire hall, “just the men’s room” (Jay Leno).
• Best Example of Why the Joke-Telling Should Be Left to the Professionals: Responding to a questioner who asked whether she was capable of handling evil-doers like Osama bin Laden, Hillary Clinton grinned as she answered, “What in my background equips me to deal with evil and bad men?” It was unclear what she may have been implying about dealing with her husband, but as Conan O’Brien speculated, it may explain “why Hillary wants to look for bin Laden at the nearest Hooters.”
• Information We Most Assuredly Could Have Done Without: A toss-up between Michelle Obama’s disclosure that her husband has such bad morning breath that their children won’t crawl into bed with him because “he’s too snore-y and stinky”; and John Edwards’ intimation that his wife’s rib cracked during some good lovin’.
• Least Likely To Win Votes From Duck Lovers: Mike Huckabee, who said in a speech to the NRA, “I’m pretty sure there will be duck-hunting in heaven and I can’t wait!” To which Jon Stewart quipped, “Are you saying that our heaven is duck hell? Is there any place a duck can go to not get shot?”

Looking for memorable Christmas gifts for that special political junkie in your life?

Then you’ll want to explore Extreme Mortman’s annual gift-giving guide, geared for all our fellow political shut-ins.

1)  XM Radio’s POTUS ‘08: Give a free 14-day trial to POTUS ‘08, the first national, 24-hour radio channel devoted to a presidential election.

It’s just like C-SPAN, but without all that distracting yellow highlighting.

2) Lee Annis: Purchase “Howard Baker: Conciliator in an Age of Crisis,” the paperback edition, by Loyal Extreme Mortman reader and contributor Lee Annis.

We love Lee, Tennessee’s finest poly sci professor ever, and we also love any chance to use this joke:  Did ya’ll hear that Lee Annis’ book is in its second printing?  Yeah, the first one got smeared.
3)  C-SPAN: Visit all twelve Presidental Libraries in your own home!  Amazing, right?  Well, read on.

C-SPAN’s special television series, Presidential Libraries: History Uncovered is now available in this complete twelve DVD set for the low, low price of $49.95 (c’mon folks, that’s just half your monthly cable bill, without the NFL package). It includes never or rarely-seen film, video, audio, artifacts, and wet T-shirt contests (oh sorry, that’s the XXX version) from each of the twelve presidential libraries, giving new insights into the actions and decisions that shape the modern presidency.   OK, deep breath.  Expert commentary from presidential historian Richard Norton Smith, and the Presidential Library Directors, and staff who preserve and make available the collections featured in this series.

Consumers can purchase a 12 DVD set of the entire series  at  www.c-spanarchives.org under Products or contact the Span directly at 877-662-7726.  The set is $49.95 plus s/h. Consumers can also purchase the individual episodes for 19.95 plus s/h.  I may buy four copies of Gerald Ford so we can have all four TV sets in the Extreme household going at once.

4)  Extreme Mortman: More specific, the free Extreme Mortman.  Because we read the following sob story in today’s Washington Post:

The Washington Post will raise its newsstand price from 35 cents to 50 cents beginning with editions of Dec. 31, the company said yesterday, responding to the paper’s decline in circulation and advertising revenue.  … Although viewership and advertising have gone up at washingtonpost.com, they have not risen enough to make up for the shortfall at the newspaper.

Meantime, Extreme Mortman remains free.  And we’ll remain free, until we figre out a way to make money off SAT preparation classes.

5)  Our two favorite toys from childhood:

Evel Knievel …

…. and Hot Wheels

… both washed down with a big sugary teeth-rotting tub of Kool-Aid

We’ve presented the Top Ten Funniest Quotes by Politicians in 2007, and the Top Ten Funniest Quotes by the Media in 2007.

We barrel right along now with the funniest bumper sticker we saw in 2007.

Forgive me if you saw this a long time ago, but I came across it this year for the first time — and fell madly in love. Here now, your 2007 bumper sticker of the year.

And the runner ups …

and

We recently presented the Top Ten Funniest Quotes By Politicians in 2007.
Our romp through the comedy landscape that was 2007 continues now with the funniest things the media said in 2007.

No need for further set-up.  Let’s go straight to the hilarity. Here now, ranked again according to our patented and immensely confusing funniest-one-goes-first method, are the the Top Ten Funniest Quotes By The Media In 2007.

1. David Gregory:

“Now switching gears to a lighter note, it’s a murder, rather, actually, not quite a lighter note, still a difficult topic.”

2. New York Times Book Review:

“Michael Kinsley, who reviews Alan Greenspan’s ‘’Age of Turbulence’’ this week, has a résumé that seems to have been assembled with the express purpose of inspiring awe.”

3. Brian Lamb:

“Our coverage of funerals is popular.”

4. Helen Thomas:

“Why did we send a B-52 carrying nuclear weapons from South Dakota to Louisiana, jeopardizing America?”

5. Talking snowman in CNN’s Democratic YouTube debate:

“What will you do to ensure that my son will live a full and happy life?”

6.  A Tie:
Ann Coulter to Donnie Deutsch:

“In fact, there was an entire ‘Seinfeld’ episode about Elaine and her boyfriend dating because they wanted to be a mixed-race couple, so you’re lying.”

and

Donnie Deutsch on Ann Coulter:

“This to me is a moment in time where we kind of say, enough — everybody in the studio that is watching is going, ‘Oh.’ Yet, we’re talking about it. So you go, wait a second. Aren’t we part of the problem? … I’m here to raise my hand as one and say, ‘You know what. Over. Done. I don’t care. It’s not that interesting. It really isn’t.”

7. Rick Sanchez:

“You know, this could be real bad for John McCain. I want you to watch this that we’re about to show you. You will probably see its first pass here, and then I have a feeling you will be seeing it a lot.  Producer comes in early in the morning today to my office and shows me this video. You are going to hear a McCain supporter. She refers to Hillary Clinton using really what is a horrible word that is used to do nothing but demean women.  Well, at the time, it was a supporter who said that. It wasn’t until later on, when we watched the whole tape, which is what you are about to see, that you see McCain’s reaction, or lack thereof, that we decided that this is both relevant and newsworthy, and important information to this campaign.  All right. Let me set it up for you. He’s campaigning in South Carolina yesterday when suddenly this happened. Obviously, the word that is used here is very offensive. We will let you listen to the entire thing so you can decide for yourself. Here it is.”

8.  A question from a member of the White House press corps, after the Virginia Tech shootings:

“Columbine, Amish school shooting, now this, and a whole host of other gun issues brought into schools — that’s not including guns on the streets and in many urban areas and rural areas. Does there need to be some more restrictions? Does there need to be gun control in this country?”

9.  Washington Post correction:

“A Reliable Source item in the April 17 Style section incorrectly said that actor Nicolas Cage’s son Kal-El was named for Superman’s father. Kal-El is an alternate name for the comic-book superhero himself; Superman’s father was Jor-El.”

10.  And the rest all belong to Larry King…
Larry King to Jerry Seinfeld:

“Why bees?”

Larry King to celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay:

“One of my favorite foods is bagels and lox and cream cheese. They put out a whole assortment. I have no idea what this is.  Peas?”
Ramsay: “They’re called capers.”

Larry King:

“My favorite candle is a Yahrzeit candle. It has no smell.”

Larry King:

“John Edwards is a gay?”

Larry King:

“Paris Hilton. Tomorrow night, Colin Powell.”

Coming up next: “Parliaments Gone Wild” — top ten best parliament brawls of all time.

What were the funniest things politicians said in 2007?

Last year we brought you the Top Ten Funniest Quotes by Politicians in 2006. This year we’re going to top that by going one better — the Top Ten Funniest Quotes By Politicians In 2007.

That’s really all the set-up this annual feature needs. You can figure out the rest. But note: Because you’re all very busy people, as a reader service we reverse the list. The funniest quote is on top, the 10th funniest quote is down below. Hope that saves some time.

Now, without further hilarious explanation, the top ten funniest quotes by politicians in 2007:

1. Chuck Schumer:

“Biking through New York’s boroughs in 2005, I thought about some old friends, Joe and Eileen Bailey. Though they are imaginary, I frequently talk to them.”

2. Newt Gingrich:

“I’d forgotten how big a tourist attraction I am.”

3. Barack Obama to a five-year old:

“We’ve got to make sure that people who have more money help the people who have less money. If you had a whole pizza, and your friend had no pizza, would you give him a slice?”

4. Robert Byrd:

“Harry Truman, former president, said, ‘If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.’ Or buy a dog. But I have a dog. Her name, by my wife Erma, is Trouble. Now, I call her Baby.”

5. Larry Craig on how he goes to the bathroom:

“Wide stance.”

6. Barack Obama:

“So I just think it is important for us to get all that clear and on the record because that provides the context in which we are going to have to be making a series of decisions. That, of course, now leaves me very little time to ask questions and that’s unfortunate.”

7. Clarence Thomas, seeing himself on a monitor:

“It’s me! I see myself moving around! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! This guy keeps moving around in front of me. Jeez! At any rate, stop looking at this guy in front of me! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You look at it and think, it’s too much of a good thing!”

8. Tommy Thompson:

“I’m in the private sector and for the first time in my life I’m earning money. You know that’s sort of part of the Jewish tradition and I do not find anything wrong with that.”

9. Arnold Schwarzenegger:

“Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million, but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.”

10. Ron Paul:

“I mean, it’s just, to me, unbelievable what you can find out on the Internet.”

Coming up next: the Top Ten Funniest Quotes By Members of The Media In 2007.