(Real-life photo caption from here:  Congressman Pete Stark and American Atheists California Director Dave Kong.  American Atheists California Director Dave Kong presents the 2002 First Amendment award to Congressman Pete Stark for his commitment to maintaining the separation between religion and government.)

Oh, the abundance of Rudy Giuliani-inspired cell phone bits. Oh, the prevalent Larry Craig potty humor (Extreme Mortman gag: Of course it was entrapment. Mark Foley was in the other stall. Hi-yo!). Oh, the generous sprinkling of Mike Gravel as an all-purpose punch line.

Last night was a rare night out for Extreme Mortman as we sampled the DC celebrity comedy scene at the Improv for the Funniest Celebrity in DC Contest. Of course, if you’re truly a political/media/DC insider, you know the annual show to be one-third contest, one-third comedy, and one-third solemn occasion as we continue to mourn the tragedy of 1999 when (and this has nothing to do with Turkey and Armenia) Joe Lieberman won the judge’s tally and beat out a young, pre-extreme Howard Mortman to become the annointed one (how ironic that judges selected Joe Lieberman then, but turned their back on him and Al Gore two years later). (By the way, Extreme Mortman gag: Joe Lieberman is so religious, he won’t vote for beef subsidies and dairy price supports on the same day. Hi-yo!)
The contest being what it is, independent-minded Jewish Senators naturally steal the show. And last night’s Arlen Specter performance was a spectacular and hilarious rehash of jokes he tells on the fundraising circuit. Bob Dole looms large in his semi-blue schtick. With an Ed Sullivan look and a Henny Youngman machine-gun delivery, Specter certainly plays well to the Inside-the-Borscht-Beltway crowd.

The dude from the Onion gave a polished and quite funny performance as well (we’re too lazy at the moment to look up his name. We think it was something like “Chris Rock.”) And the dreamy-so-dreamy Patrick Gavin of Fishbowl and Yeas & Nays brilliance offered this superb formula: “Is there any bigger oxymoron than ‘D.C.’s Funniest Celebrity’? You might as well do a contest for ‘D.C.’s best public school.’” Hi-yo!
We couldn’t quite figure out which charity benefited from the proceeds. We think it was it was a philanthropy foundation called “Politico,” because the name was everywhere (and thanks Politico for the invite!). Rest assured, though, every dollar raised goes to pay the salary of upper-level administrators. Hi-yo!

We have no idea who won. The DC Funniest Celebrity Contest, after all, is very much like the Academy Awards — after five hours they’re only up to best supporting actress.

Big names on stage, bigger name media celebs as judges. Bob Somerby: “If it weren’t for that panel of judges, we wouldn’t be in Iraq today.”

And further proof that “celebrity” is Latin for “willing to attend.”

First, our last trivia answer:

And the correct responses include:

• Capt. Jeffrey T. Spaudling (Ret.) asked: “Where was the site for which the United States government contracted with the Crosley Broadcasting Corporation to build a radio station capable of broadcasting its message around the world - which utlimately became the Voice of America?”
• Our brilliant and sensational former colleague Brian K. Mabry asked: “Where is the location of the former Voice of America transmission station that still has a boiler dating from the Eisenhower Administration?”
• And DADvocate asked: “where is 700 WLW radio’s tower located. WLW is the home of two fine conservative talk show hosts, Mike McConnell and Bill Cunningham. Cunningham is the originator of Sean Hannity’s “You’re a great American.” phrase.”

Now, the next Extreme Trivia answer: President Theodore Roosevelt’s Nobel Peace Prize, which he won in 1907 for helping to end the Russo-Japanese War.

What’s the question?

The Washington Post captures a classic exchange.

First, the Post’s background:

Defense contractor Brent R. Wilkes is on trial in U.S. District Court in San Diego, charged with bribing former congressman Randy “Duke” Cunningham (R-Calif.), who is in prison after pleading guilty to corruption charges.  Wilkes’s attorney, Mark J. Geragos, has partly based his defense on showing that the wining and dining of members of Congress by lobbyists has been standard practice. Last week, Clifford Horsfall, a waiter at the Capital Grille for the past 13 years, testified in the case.

And here’s the payoff:

In fact, can you remember more than one occasion where the congressman is picking up the tab when he goes to dinner at the Capital Grille with a lobbyist?
No.
In 13 years you don’t remember one time when the congressman picked up the tab when he goes to dinner with lobbyists?
No.
That would be kind of the way Washington works, based on your experience?
Our clientele at the restaurant, yes.

Yeah, Congressmen may not pick up the tab.  They just grant earmarks.

So Stephen Colbert is running for president as a favorite son in South Carolina.

Immediate comparisons come to mind of comedian Pat Paulsen’s charming presidential run in 1968.

But more recent and far more ugly was the reversal of roles in the movie “Man of the Year” — Robin Williams playing a comedian running for president.  He becomes president — but the horrible, terrible movie dies after the first 30 minutes, not even saved by Lewis Black.

Small shoes and a lousy precedent for Colbert to follow.

We learn a few interesting things from this Environmental News Network item on Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoing The California Industrial Hemp Farming Act.  Notably:

• “The North American hemp market now exceeds an estimated $300 million in annual retail sales.”
• “AB 684 would have revitalized commercial industrial hemp farming in California, which occurred in the state until shortly after World War II.”
• “The landmark, bi-partisan legislation would have followed North Dakota in establishing guidelines for the farming of industrial hemp which is used in a wide variety of everyday consumer products, including food, body care, clothing, paper, and auto parts.”

Auto parts?

It’s no secret that Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen has never met a personal pronoun he didn’t like.

In today’s column he pulls off an amazing feat: Multiple uses of the word “I” in a column about — get ready, get ready, OK here it is — Turkey and genocide.

Including this show-stopping stunner:

“It just so happens that I am an admirer of Turkey.”

The only thing that could have enhanced that infuriating sentence is a qualifier, something along the lines of, “It’s been said that I am an admirer of Turkey.”  Or, “It just so happens that sometimes I admire Turkey, but sometimes I don’t admire Turkey.  It really depends.”

Either way, to borrow an old protest slogan about voting, perhaps it’s time to say: “Don’t read Richard Cohen.  It just encourages him.”

Lovers of 2nd Amendment rights for the citizenry to bear arms should rejoice at the news that superheroes are covered, too.

Presenting the new and vastly improved Captain America:

WIth this great quote by the comic book’s writer Ed Brubaker: “A guy who fought in World War II isn’t going to care if terrorists die.”

No doubt Captain America will be at the front lines if we need him in Iran.

We learn from an announcement by House Republican Whip Roy Blunt that Kathleen Casey-Kirschling, a New Jersey woman generally considered to be the nation’s first boomer, is expected to formally apply for Social Security benefits this afternoon, in anticipation of her 62nd birthday on January 1, 2008.

Blunt had this reaction:

“Today marks the first drip in what promises to be a deluge of new Social Security spending – obligations the current program, on its present course, will not be able to meet. And as bleak as the issue looks right now, it’s a problem that will grow more acute by the day as Democrats continue to finance their reckless spending agenda by raiding the Social Security trust fund.”

No doubt others publicly will help Casey-Kirschling observe her upcoming birthday as well.

Poor Nancy Pelosi.  Apparently she’s waiting by the telephone in need of instruction from the White House.  On a number of issues:

Children’s health care:

The White House has signaled that it wants to compromise with Democrats over the program, but any agreement seemed distant yesterday. Pelosi said she has never heard from Bush about the program …

And the resolution accusing Turkey of genocide:

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) reaffirmed that the resolution would be called to the floor this week. A similar resolution was pulled from the floor in 2000 by then-Speaker J. Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) after he was asked to do so by President Bill Clinton. Pelosi said she had not heard from President Bush about this bill.

Someone please call the Speaker’s office with guidance.  Operators are standing by.