Reading about the funeral of Captain America, with all its attendant metaphors and allegories for current events, we learn this:

He was headed to court after refusing to sign the government’s Superhero Registration Act, a move that would have revealed his true identity. A sniper who fired from a rooftop was captured as police and Captain America’s military escort were left to cope with chaos in the streets.

Certainly we can blame government bureaucracy for making him a target, right?

But something far more sinister is afoot.

We also learn this:

After 66 years of battling villains from Adolf Hitler to the Red Skull, the red, white and blue leader of the Avengers was felled by an assassin’s bullet on the steps of a New York federal courthouse.

Aha!  There’s the flaw in the story line.  Guns are illegal in New York City.  Surely the assassin should have been too scared of gun law prosecution to have a bullet-based weapon.

Either he really used a crossbow, or the whole thing happened in Virginia.

We learn from this AP story that Hillary Clinton on Saturday visited Walt Disney World  — not riding the Teacup Ride, but attacking Fred Thompson, who’s not even officially in the race.
Either Hillary was Goofy for the day, or there’s no doubt who’s the Republican front-runner.

Barack Obama from this week’s Democratic debate:

“I think that what’s most important, though, that we have a president who is in touch with the needs of New Orleans before the hurricane hits, because part of the reason that we had such a tragedy was the assumption that everybody could jump in their SUVs, load up with some sparkling water, and check into the nearest hotel.”

Let’s pop open some Perrier and quote Obama from earlier times:

September 2005:

“Whoever was in charge planning was so detached from the realities of inner city life in a place like New Orleans that they couldn’t conceive of the notion that somebody couldn’t load up their SUV, put $100 worth of gas in there, put some sparkling water and drive off to a hotel and check in with a credit card.”

Again from September 2005:

“… the sense that of course once the evacuation order was issued that you will hop in your SUV with $100 worth of gasoline and load up your truck with sparkling water and take your credit card and check into the nearest hotel until the storm passed.”

For those of us who prefer our water flat, without gas, this Obama statement is a bit tastier:

“Like most Americans, I never want to worry about whether the glass of water my child is drinking has been tampered with by terrorists.”

Of course, if he really wants to appeal to folks like me who are fans of Dr. Strangelove, I urge him to warn about fluoridation of water.

Ah, capitalism tops religion once again.

From Sunday’s Washington Post Magazine story on the Marriott family:

One day, a businessman complained to him that he couldn’t get a drink in Virginia — it was a dry state until 1968 — so Marriott opened a private club where drinks could be sold. (Though the Marriotts didn’t drink, they weren’t opposed to profiting from those who did. They figured that if they pushed their religion on their customers, they wouldn’t be in business very long.)

An alert and loyal Extreme Mortman reader alerts us to this:

A Mickey Mouse lookalike who preached Islamic domination on a Hamas-affiliated children’s television program was beaten to death in the show’s final episode Friday.

In the final skit, “Farfour” was killed by an actor posing as an Israeli official trying to buy Farfour’s land.

Of course, the final indignity was probably that the Israeli was pricing it wholesale.

If last night’s presidential debate revealed anything, it’s that Democrats are increasingly taken with saying “If.”  Conditional sentences for scoring easy rhetorical points?  As if.

Hillary Clinton: “If HIV/AIDS were the leading cause of death of white women between the ages of 25 and 34, there would be an outraged outcry in this country.”

Dennis Kucinich: “if Darfur had a large supply of oil, this administration would be occupying it right now.”

Mike Gravel:  “If we weren’t squandering our treasure on this terrible war that we didn’t have to start, we would have 4 million housing units available, and a good portion of them could go to Katrina residents.”

The Democrats would do well to adopt the best “If” of all, Rudyard Kipings’s:

“If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you …”

Former Japanese Prime Minister Kiichi Miyazawa has died.  Sad news for the Miyazawa family, obviously.  But also sad news for all us political trivia junkies.  Miyazawa was the last living head of state to get his lap vomited in by former President Bush.

Still a great way to be remembered.  It’s like winning the Coney Island Nathan’s hot dog eating contest, except completely different.

That 1992 incident remains topical to this way, even noted by Dan Bartlett earlier this month while discussing the current President Bush:

I’m not sure if it’s a stomach virus yet, or something like that, but is not feeling well to the stomach. And I guess he didn’t want to follow in the footsteps of his father in Asia.

Ah, indeed.  As they say in China, yangtze nuthin’ yet!

The Post’s “Reliable Source” runs this quote:

“You are the America that we love. Women like you . . . do a lot to bring our two peoples together.”  — French President Nicolas Sarkozy, awarding his country’s Legion of Honor medal Thursday to Barbra Streisand.

What is it with celebrities and France?  And we don’t mean either Jerry Lewis or Paris Hilton.

We mean folks like Woody Allen, who once said: “The United States and France have been great friends and great, great allies going back many, many years.”  And after the Iraq war broke out, Madonna said this to a French audience: “Here in France I feel at home.” 

Talk about a Sarkozy relationship.

This just in from today’s trip to New Hampshire, Fred Thompson in the legendary Riley’s Sport Shop in Hooksett.

Also, note this from Anne Schroeder’s sensational “Shenanigans” column in The Politico:

They Die Hard together. Bruce Willis declared yesterday at his Smithsonian appearance that it’s too early to endorse anyone but did say fellow “Die Hard 2″ actor Fred Thompson would “make a wonderful candidate.”

Check out Anne’s column for the video clip.  It’s worth noting that Willis calls Thompson a “straight shooter” — the kind of language they must love in Riley’s.

To resolve the question of whether Dick Cheney as Vice President is part of the executive or legislative branch, we solicit wisdom from Extreme Mortman senior historian Richard Andrews.  He offers this:

It’s not either/or.  He’s both.  This is not an unusual concept. 

Many state lieutenant governors are not only state senate presiding officers, but (unlike the VP) have substantial executive responsibilities imposed on them by their state constitution and/or statutes.  These vary greatly.  (I believe there has been a good bit of litigation among the states on the leg?-or-exec? question about lt. govs. The answer is, generally: it depends.) 

A number of them automatically become acting Gov. whenever their Gov. leaves the state.  (Like, famously, California; That always means an interesting time when they are of opposing parties, and the Gov. is trying to run for President.  This happened to Jerry Brown & Pete Wilson.)

Something not addressed in the Washington Post series on Cheney (and that I doubt will be) is that Cheney’s ability to carve out this sort of relationship with “W” is partly based on the uniqueness of Texas.  Bush’s ONLY previous gov’t. experience is being her Governor.  The only kind of #1/#2 relationship he’s had is the one he had THERE.

The Lieutenant Governor of Texas is unquestionably the most powerful in the nation.  On the legislative side, as President of the state senate, he is not merely some once-in-a-while presiding officer; he’s like Maryland’s Mike Miller - appoints all the committees and their chairmen, decides which committee(s) bills will be referred to, establishes the chamber’s “calendar” (agenda), et cetera.  On the executive side he is a member of numerous state commissions & boards that are the  (hydra-) heads of many state agencies, and exercise vast power.  These commissions are not directly answerable to the governor, and to the extent that he appoints their members at all, it is to staggered fixed terms.

Additionally, W was exceeding fortunate to have had a lt. gov. who, even though a Dem., was highly cooperative. 

These two happenstances have necessarily molded the relationship w/Cheney.