Need a last-minute cuddly Christmas gift for the kiddies?  Then you’ll thank the Drug Enforcement Administration Gift Shop for this — and I swear I’m not making this up — lovable German Shepherd.

The DEA’s description:

This little, 6″ length, “Beanie” plush German Shepherd, is the ideal “Best Friend”, for all ages. Choose either a gold collar w/ DEA in black, or black w/ DEA in white letters.

No word whether this stuffed animal is trained to sniff other stuffed animals.

Laura Blackann is spokeswoman for Rep. John Doolittle (R-CA). But she speaks for all of us in the Washington Post’s Jack Abramoff story this morning:

Christmas 2001 was a far more high-flying holiday for Republican lobbyist Jack Abramoff … Abramoff was a top rainmaker at Greenberg Traurig’s Washington office and liked to be generous at this time of year, at least to those who could help him. He compiled a list of 45 people to whom his staff was supposed to send gifts such as a Baccarat crystal bowl and a platinum Tiffany clock … Rep. John T. Doolittle (R-Calif.) was to get a less valuable gift: some Jerry Seinfeld CDs. … Doolittle spokeswoman Laura Blackann said the Seinfeld CDs were of negligible value.

Yes!  We’ve been arguing that point for years!  Not that’s there’s anything wrong with it.

Great item and great quote in the Washington Post business section:

Judge Burton Lifland of the U.S. Bankruptcy Court in Manhattan approved lawyers’ and consultants’ requests for about $22 million in fees related to Dana Corp.’s bankruptcy reorganization but, in an unusual move, declined to approve their expenses.  Lifland pointed to $300 taxi rides, $9,000 air fares, $500-a-night hotel rooms in Detroit and $700 meals for four people in denying nearly $1 million in expenses. “I have a distinct impression there is a sense of exuberance here,” Lifland said.

We learn from The Hotline’s Wake-Up call:

WH ‘08 hopeful/Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-CA) began airing two 30-second ads over the weekend in SC, NC and SD.

Um, South Dakota?

From the Wall Street Journal’s Washington Wire:

The coolest gizmo in the new White House Situation Room? A device that can sense if a visitor is carrying a cellphone.

United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan gave his final press conference today.  Too bad it also wasn’t the last appearance for some members of the UN press corps.

Check out this sampling from the “questions” he got.

Q: I would wish you good luck and goodbye and hope you have a good time when you go underground; and when you surface please do come and see us sometimes….

Q: I’d like to say, is that in your time in office, you have given hope to millions of dispossessed people. And for that, I would say, you will be well remembered…

Q: There seems to be a buzz in the building about more manager-CEO than diplomat-rock star. Maybe that’s directed at you. Is that the best way to go forward for this new administration?

Q: Mr. Secretary-General, first of all, I’d like to thank you, for the past 10 years, for all your answers on the Balkans, some of which you helped me to make even headlines. …

Q: Dear Mr. Kofi Annan, first, on behalf of the Islamic Republic News Agency, I deeply want to thank you for your 10-year service and accomplishment. Good luck for your future journey…

Q: Mr. Secretary-General, I’m going to use the word “transparency” rather than “corruption”…

Q: Mr. Secretary-General, during your time here as the Secretary-General, you’ve made some great appointments….

Q: Thank you, Mr. Secretary-General, for what you have done for Lebanon during your tenure; we will be missing you….

So what do you suppose the are odds that Helen Thomas or David Gregory will treat President Bush this same way during his final press conference?

Farewell, 2006: a year in which celebrity babble reached all-time heights.  There’s nothing quite like, for instance, Lindsay Lohan saying, “I just left an AA meeting.  I haven’t had a drink in seven days. Or anything.  I’m not even legal to, so why would I? I don’t drink when I go to clubs. I drink with my friends at home, but there’s no need to.”  Unsure if one of those friends is Al Gore, although she can surely use his help.

But our interests here aren’t celebrities talking about alcohol.  Our interests are celebrities babbling about politics.  Unless, of course,  alcohol colors a celebrity’s geopolitical views.  That’s when we sit up, notice, and throw our head back in laughter.  Which is why Mel Gibson leads The Top Ten Funniest Things Celebrities Said About Politics in 2006.

The complete list:

1.  Mel Gibson: “The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.” (July 28)

2.  Arnold Schwarzenegger: “To link me to George Bush is like linking me to an Oscar.” (October 11)

3.  Sharon Stone: “A woman should be past her sexuality when she runs. Hillary still has sexual power and I don’t think people will accept that. It’s too threatening.” (March 27)

4.  Pamela Anderson: “The bust of Colonel Sanders stands as a monument to cruelty and has no place in the Kentucky State Capitol.” (Jan. 13)

5.  Bobby Brown: “Cigarettes kill more people everyday than any terrorists I’ve ever seen — on television.” (June 6)

6.  A tie:

Rosie O’Donnell: “Don’t fear the terrorists. They’re mothers and fathers.”  (Nov. 9)

and

Rosie O’Donnell: “Apparently ‘ching-chong,’ unbeknownst to me, is a very offensive way to make fun, quote-unquote, or mock, Asian accents.” (Dec. 14)

7.  Meadow Soprano: “9/11, 9/11. Bush is using it as an excuse to erode our Constitutional protections and you’re falling for it.” Carmela Soprano: “Well, I voted for him.” (April 16)

8.  Kevin Federline: “I want to go to Africa — it’s a place where you can really help people. And I’m into the safari animals.” (Oct. 31)

9.  Bono at the National Prayer Breakfast: “Please join me in praying that I don’t say something we all regret. If you’re wondering what I’m doing at the prayer breakfast, so am I. I’m certainly not here as a man of the cloth. Unless that cloth is leather.” (Feb. 23)

10.  George Clooney , accepting a Supporting Actor Golden Globe for “Syriana”: “I want to thank Jack Abramoff, you know, just because … I don’t know why … Who would name their kid Jack but the last word’s ‘off’ at the end of their last name? No wonder that guy’s screwed up.” (Jan. 18).

As a special bonus to this list, a twist — a politician saying something funny about a celebrity.  Let’s lower the house lights and give a warm Extreme welcome to Japan’s former Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, live from Graceleand.  Mr. Minister?

PRIME MINISTER KOIZUMI: It’s like a dream. I never expected President come with me to visit Graceland. There’s Elvis song: To Dream Impossible. (Singing Elvis song.) (Laughter.) My dream came true. Thank you very much for — thank you. Thank you very much for treating me nice, the Elvis song. (Singing Elvis song.) Thank you.

PRESIDENT BUSH: We’re going to go have some barbeque, thank you. (June 30)

For Extreme Mortman’s other 2006 year in review specials, check out Top Ten Funniest Political Moments Of 2006, and Top Ten Funniest Political Quotes Of 2006.

From today’s New York Times story on O.J. Simpson publisher Judith Regan’s firing from News Corporation:

“‘Of all people, the Jews should know about ganging up, finding common enemies and telling the big lie,’” Ms. Regan said,… According to the notes, Ms. Regan then said that the literary agent Esther Newberg; HarperCollins’ executive editor, David Hirshey; HarperCollins’ president, Jane Friedman; and Mr. Jackson “constitute a Jewish cabal against her.” A lawyer for Ms. Regan, Bert Fields, denied Monday that she had said there was a “Jewish cabal against her,” saying that she had used only the word “cabal” in the conversation.

Ah, those neocons strike again with the big not-necessariy-Jewish cabal lie.  First, no WMD in Iraq.  Now, O.J. really did it.  Maybe the open-to-all-religions cabal thinks we should invade Brentwood, but not after sundown Friday night.

Fun paragraph by St. Petersburg Times media critic Eric Deggans in The Feed blog:

It seems our problems during the interview surfaced after a question I asked about that [New Yorker] profile — specifically, how he felt about Auletta drawing a marked contrast between his high-flying lifestyle (lunch at the Four Seasons, friendships with powerful moguls such as former Miramax head Harvey Loubook Weinstein) and his current aggressive advocacy of middle class issues.

You may not agree with Dobbs’ politics, but you sure gotta admire his taste in high livin’.  Just hope none of the hotel staff who wait on him are here illegally.

White House press secretary Tony Snow at today’s news briefing:

Q Has the President factored in any of how many people will die?
MR. SNOW: Helen, you ask that question every day, and I don’t know how I can –
Q It’s a very valid question.
MR. SNOW: And it’s a question he thinks about every day.
Q And does he care about it? Does it matter how many die?
MR. SNOW: Yes, it does. Absolutely.
Q Well, you have a benchmark now — this fall has been so lethal.
MR. SNOW: And the people who have been killing will kill even more if we walk away. I would turn you to The New York Times op-ed page today, where a Marine Major talks about –
Q Written by a Marine.
MR. SNOW: I’m sorry, does that make it suspect that he’s on the ground trying to save lives?
Q No, that doesn’t. But, I mean, he has to take the military attitude.
MR. SNOW: Well, you might want to read it, because the military — the military attitude is, warriors don’t like to be engaged in war if you can have peace, and generals don’t like to send people into battle unless they have to. The people who are instigating the violence in Iraq are ones who are determined to kill.