It’s Sunday afternoon and the White House Correspondents Association Dinner just concluded. No seriously, it’s still going on. No seriously, they’re only up to Best Supporting Actress. No seriously, and you thought the Six Day War went long.

Stephen Colbert is being roundly panned for his mean-spirited performance. He was big on edge, short on rib-tickling. And the audience? A tough crowd reacting with embarrasment and silence. From my table I counted three rounds of infectious yawns spreading around the room like the wave at football games. It’s gotta be tough to hear silence when telling rat-a-tat jokes in front of 3,000 people. Imagine singing the Spanish Star Spangled Banner to the Minutemen. Even worse, these were mostly drunk reporters — normally an easy mark. Colbert’s editorial act quickly sobered folks up like an unwelcome buzz kill, like a newspaper’s retirement buyout offer was rescinded. (By the way, cheers to Fox News for good-naturedly running the clip of Colbert mocking Fox News for presenting both sides of the issue — the President’s side and the Vice President’s side.)
Meanwhile, Extreme Mortman was Extremely proud to have a better seat than Def Jam rapper Ludacris, who sat one table behind me. To be fair, throughout the night Ludacris had many more people asking for his autograph and photo than I, who had none. Ludacris did provide me one fascinating scene to watch. When the dinner ended, the crowd stampeded the exits like a massive hostage release. I was one of the first to make it to the Washington Hilton’s lower entranceway. But I and others were blocked by security who said no one could leave through those doors until the President was out the building. As I began the trek to the upper level doors, Ludacris walked right by. He was spotted by one of the security agents, who called out “Chris!” The security guy left his post to personally escort Ludacris to a place he could quietly and immediately exit — off the Hilton’s massive back patio over an iron gate. I followed and watched Ludacris’ entourage scale that fence. Thanks to the Ludacris-friendly security guy they all probably saved a whole 90 seconds of wait time.

In my next life, I’d like to be a rap artist. Quicker getaways, with beefy escorts, too. Something Stephen Colbert might have needed.

The DC Improv last night hosted the annual Funniest Celebrity in DC contest.

Looking at the line-up, it’s hard not to think, boy, I’ve heard those jokes and seen those acts before.  But where?

Here’s where: The Improv, 1999 — preserved for immortality thanks to the mercury-sealed, concrete-enrusted C-SPAN video vault.

You’ll notice several things about that 1999 show:

• Now THAT was DC political comedy at its finest
• When C-SPAN drops the price from $180 to $24.95, they’re probably also throwing in a yellow highlighter for free 
• How could Mortman have lost to Lieberman?

Not just bitter.  Extreme bitter.

Now, the next installment in Extreme Mortman’s regular feature: a peek inside the blog-reading habits of our nation’s top reporters and media celebrities. And what a huge honor today. Jeff Zeleny is the National Political Correspondent for the Chicago Tribune, a post he has held for five years. He is a contributor to The Swamp, the new blog written by the Tribune’s Washington Bureau. Before coming to Washington, Jeff worked as a general assignment reporter in Chicago. He came to the Tribune from the Des Moines Register, where he spent more than three years covering state politics and the opening stage of the 2000 presidential race.

Now, please give a warm Extreme welcome to the great political reporter Jeff Zeleny — here are the blogs he tells Extreme Mortman he reads:

The number of political blogs seems to grow by the day, but my favorites are rooted in real reporting, rather than opinion. That’s not to say I don’t check out purely opinion blogs - like talk radio, I think it’s useful to tune in when I can - but I don’t rely on those sites nearly as much. Finally, as helpful as some of the information here can be, it’s not nearly as important as doing something that might sound a little retro: dialing the phone or even better, knocking on doors and talking to real voters.

So in no particular order, the blogs I try to check out a few times a day include:

• The Fix
• Hotline On Call
• PoliticsNH.com
• Taegen Goddard’s Political Wire

While not necessarily blogs, I never miss a day without:

• The Note
• First Read
• Wake up Call, Last Call, Hotline
• The Morning Grind
• Slate
• Wonkette

Several times a week, I try to check out these blogs (some partisan, some not):

• Swing State Project
• Real Clear Politics
• Daily Kos
• My DD
• Red State
• Hugh Hewitt

I live in Washington and I’m interested in the media, so I can’t miss these:

• Fishbowl DC
• Gawker
• Romenesko

If I am traveling to a particular state for a story, I always try to check out the latest blogs from those states. This zone of my bookmark section is, as they say, under construction and needs to be beefed up before the Midterm campaign kicks into high gear.  I check Gordon Fisher’s take at Iowa True Blue, South Carolina headlines at scheadlines.com, and Politics Extra.

Now, the answer to our last Extreme Trivia question.  Name the championship boxer who was a public supporter of a recent democracy revolution in his native country.

The boxer:  Wladimir Klitschko.  The revolution: Ukraine’s Orange Revolution.    The trivia winner: Peter Roff.

Now the next Extreme Trivia question.  Of the 231 Republicans currently in the House of Representatives, how many were in office when the GOP was in the minority?

Reports are that Tony Snow will be an inner circle adviser on President Bush’s policies.  Here’s one place he can make his immediate mark — the President’s Saturday night remarks to the White House Correspondents Association Dinner.  Otherwise known as the President’s annual comedy routine.

Here are five specific steps Tony can take to let his influence be known in front of 3,000 reporters:

1)  Tear up whatever speech has already been written.  Even if the White House paid a fortune  to some aging gagster who still pitches “Impeach Earl Warren” jokes for a living.  Doesn’t matter.  Chances are the jokes aren’t funny.  Tony is.  Tony Snow knows funny.  He’s done stand-up comedy.  And if you’re preparing the President to be the opening act for Stephen Colbert — you need funny, not quaint.

2)  Speaking of Stephen Colbert, Tony should urge the President to steal all the premises Colbert might use.  Like truthiness.  The President should riff on truthiness.  Even better, pronounce Colbert’s name wrong — give it a hard a “T” sound.  Take Colbert’s  joke, and trump it.

3)  Can the self-deprecation.  No more.  It’s been a staple of President Bush’s previous appearances to the White House Corrrespondents.  It’s old, tired, and should be retired.  If President Bush’s poll  ratings are low, surely the media doesn’t score much higher.  Make pointed jabs at them, not at himself.  The Washington Post reports the White House wants to “be more aggressive in engaging with the news media.”  Saturday night will be a great opportunity to do so — with a smile and a chuckle.

4)  And while Tony’s ripping up bits that don’t work, he should be bold.  He should demand, “Read My Lips: No New Slide Shows.”  Enough.  No more easy way out.  No comedy crutches.  The slide shows don’t work for the audience watching on C-SPAN — too confusing, too dark, poorly-timed.  Tony’s from TV.  Know the medium, what works and what doesn’t.  Don’t point the camera away from the President.  Jokes only.

5)  No cameos.  Last year, the First Lady stole the show when she grabbed the microphone and did a hilarious bit.  It worked for her, but not necessarily for the President.  This year, Tony Snow should make sure the President doesn’t cede the podium to anyone. He paid for that microphone, dearly.

Finally, in that ageless bit of advice comedians follow, make sure the microphone is turned to “funny.”

Chris Abraham learns this from Taegan Goddard’s Political Wire, which cites Henry Copeland:

the median political blog reader is a 43 year old man with an annual family income of $80,000. He reads 6 blogs a day for 10 hours a week.

Even if you’re neither 43 years old nor a man, thank you for making Extreme Mortman one of the six blogs a day you read.  10 hours a week — that’s all we ask.

Tough to keep track track of everyone cashing in — money, fame, or otherwise — on the dated revelation that Mark Felt was Deep Throat.

Add one more person.  Would you believe Felt’s grandson merits national TV attention?

We join last night’s Larry King Live already deeply in progress:

KING: … Joining us now is Nick Jones, he is Mark Felt’s grandson, Joan Felt’s son. All this happened before you were born.

NICK JONES, MARK FELT’S GRANDSON: That’s right.

KING: How do you react to all this about your grandfather?

JONES: Well, it’s incredible. It’s a big deal, but most of all I’m honored to be his grandson. I think what he did was tremendous. It demanded a lot of courage and so, it’s interesting to me, to say the least, but like you said I wasn’t alive when it happened, so…

KING: Are you close to him?

JONES: Yes, very close, very close, I am.

KING: You’re in law school?

JONES: I am, I am.

We turned it off after that.

On a recent “Sopranos,” Carmela Soprano said she voted for Bush. You’ve got to admire loyalty like that. She clearly is unfazed by higher gas prices fueling her fancy new SUV. Here’s what gas cost when they shot the opening montage so many years ago:

Now, the answer to our last Extreme Trivia question.  Name any word or words the Chinese government bans from the Internet.

The winner: Madeleine Begun Kane, of the very funny blog madkane.com.  She nailed the correct answer, writing, “I don’t believe the Chinese government bans any words in the formal sense of publishing a list of banned words. And by deliberately not making such a list available, it encourages self-censorship. You don’t know what is and what isn’t allowed, so the fear of running afoul of this unknown list results in self-censorship that may well go beyond what the Chinese government might actually punish you for.”

As the New York Times Magazine wrote this Sunday – a story that came out after madkane got the answer right, I’ll have you know — “American Internet firms typically arrive in China expecting the government to hand them an official blacklist of sites and words they must censor. They quickly discover that no master list exists. Instead, the government simply insists the firms interpret the vague regulations themselves. The companies must do a sort of political mind reading and intuit in advance what the government won’t like.”

And now, the next Extreme Trivia question.  Name the championship boxer who was a public supporter of a recent democracy revolution in his native country.

Former Alaska Democratic Senator Mike Gravel announced last week he’s running for president.

Wait, it gets better.

Here’s coverage of the press conference:

Gravel described his foreign policy approach as “aggressive diplomacy.” For example, he said he would tame the North Korean “tyrant,” Kim Jong-il, by sending Steven Spielberg as a special ambassador. Gravel said he knows Kim has a fondness for American movies.

Forget Spielberg.  What those ruthless bloody North Koreans really need in their face is Quentin Tarantino.

By the way, since we’re talking movies, no word whether Gravel’s press conference was repeatedly interrupted by rude people in the back rows opening little plastic candy wrappers.