Top Ten Funniest Political Quotes Of 2006
December 12, 2006 at 10:43 am
Let’s take John Kerry at his word. It was all meant to be a joke. OK, we’ll believe him. But not without a price. For trying his hand at stand-up, Sen. Laugh Riot earns top spot among the Top Ten Funniest Political Quotes Of 2006.
The complete list:
1) John Kerry: “If you make the most of (education), you study hard, you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.” (Oct. 30)
Of course, with a joke so brilliantly funny and insightful, there were bound to wannabe imitators.
2) A tie:
Ted Stevens: “The Internet is not something you just dump something on. It’s not a big truck. It’s a series of tubes.” (June 28)
and
Larry King on the Internet: “I’ve never done it, never gone searching…. The wife loves it. I wouldn’t love it. What do you punch little buttons and things?” (Nov. 14)
3) Joe Biden: “You CANNOT go into a 7-11 or a Dunkin Donuts without an Indian accent.” (July 6)
4) Hugo Chavez describing President Bush: “The devil is right at home. The devil — the devil, himself, is right in the house. And the devil came here yesterday. Yesterday, the devil came here. Right here. Right here. And it smells of sulfur still today.” (Sept. 20)
5) President Bush to legally blind reporter Peter Wallsten “Are you going to ask that question with shades on?” (June 14)
6) Rep. Bob Wexler: “I enjoy cocaine because it’s a fun thing to do.” (July 21)
7) Sen. Jeff Sessions: “I talk to those who’ve lost their lives, and they have that sense of duty and mission.” (Dec. 5)
8) Tony Snow to Helen Thomas: “Thank you for the Hezbollah view.” (July 18)
9) A tie:
George Allen: “I still had a ham sandwich for lunch. And my mother made great pork chops.” (Sept. 19)
and
Los Angeles Times correction: “An article in Section A on Wednesday about friction in the Republican Party between gays and religious conservatives said Sen. George Allen (R-Va.) had a campaign manager who is gay. The Allen staff member who is gay is his communications director.” (Oct. 19)
10) Prince George’s County, MD, County Executive Jack Johnson: “I always fly business class or first class. I think the people of Prince George’s County expect me to. I don’t think they expect me to be riding in a seat with four across and I’m in the middle.” (Nov. 20)
We weren’t sure whether to include a quote by Mayor Ray Nagin; after all, hasn’t New Orleans suffered enough? But then we caught HBO’s Comic Relief special for Katrina relief and reconsidered. Heck, if Robin, Billy, and Whoopi can find humor in a disaster while on stage in Las Vegas, then why can’t we recognize Nagin’s home-grown humor? Here then, a bonus: The Eleventh Funniest Political Quote of 2006.
11) New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin: “This city will be chocolate at the end of the day.” (Jan. 16)
Click here for Top Ten Funniest Political Moments of 2006. And stay tuned for the third installment: Top Ten Funniest Things Celebrities Said About Politics in 2006.
Eric Berlin said,
December 12, 2006 @ 11:50 am
Whoa, whoa, WHOA! How could you leave out Nancy Pelosi, on the prospect of Democrats winning back Congress? “The gavel of the speaker of the House is in the hands of special interests, and now it will be in the hands of America’s children.” That was priceless.
Brian said,
December 12, 2006 @ 12:48 pm
What, no macaca? Maybe you’re saving that one the “Most Embarrassing” list.
The Monster said,
December 12, 2006 @ 1:26 pm
I must pick a nit. If there is a tie for #2, there is no #3. The one you called #3 should be #4 (because there are 3 others ranked above it) The two tied for what you call #9 are actually tied for #10, and what you call #10 is really #12.
Yeah, it’s a nit, but it’s a slippery slope to ‘fake but accurate’.
Pablo said,
December 12, 2006 @ 1:33 pm
In all fairness, the Wexler quote was on the Colbert Report - so it’s not exactly if he dreamed it up by himself. Further, it was followed by this, “I enjoy the company of prostitutes because it’s a fun thing to do. Cocaine and prostitutes together would be really fun!”
majoritywhip said,
December 12, 2006 @ 1:46 pm
I agree with Pablo. It’s funny, but it is being taken out of context. The mission was to say the worst possible thing imaginable and still get elected. So, it was scripted.
Bill said,
December 12, 2006 @ 2:01 pm
Nice how you cite political affiliation for Republicans, but not Democrats (e.g., Wexler).
Lee said,
December 12, 2006 @ 2:17 pm
I don’t think that’s on purpose, Bill. He doesn’t mention affilliations for anyone. The only time an afilliation is noted is in a quote, where it’s part of the quote.
Hey, I notice bias in things too sometimes, but you’re barking up the wrong tree, there.
talboito said,
December 12, 2006 @ 2:19 pm
How are neither Conrad Burns nor Katherine Harris on this list somewhere?
Also, I know you want to make fun of him, but Kerry’s quote could hardly be described as “funny”.
Bill you ignorant slut said,
December 12, 2006 @ 2:20 pm
Bill,
Rep stands for Representative, not Republican.
john said,
December 12, 2006 @ 2:21 pm
Bill — huh? Only reference to any political party I see is in the quote from the L.A. times on Allen.
Put your tinfoil hat on a bit tighter, the black helicopters are coming!!!!
theo said,
December 12, 2006 @ 2:32 pm
@Bill,
The blogger actually never cites political affiliation - Wexler is a REPresentative in Congress, and is actually a Democrat (http://wexler.house.gov/). I suspect Rep. Wexler was used instead of Wexler since hardly anybody outside of politics knows who he is. The quote from the L.A. Times has to include the (R-Va.) note because it’s part of the quote as in the article cited.
So no, there is no liberal bias here. Actually, it maks fun of more democrats than republicans. But hey, if you keep looking really, really hard for it, you can keep hallucinating the bias. Because it makes it much easier to go through life thinking you’re helping fight the big, scary Liberal Conspiracy. My advice? Learn to accept that most of life is random, and take responsibility for what YOU can, instead of blaming it on big, faceless entities.
Me? I’m a moderate for Direct Democracy, so the nutjobs on both sides can stop screwing the rest of the population with their petty infighting.
Tanager said,
December 12, 2006 @ 2:36 pm
Obviously Kerry takes the cake for saying something so utterly stupid, and then trying to cover it up - and the soldiers’ response is priceless. But I still think the Chavez quote is the funniest - the redundency is great.
Agjobs said,
December 12, 2006 @ 3:09 pm
Karl Rove “you may have your math, but I have THE Math” Yeah THE Math gave up 30 house and 6 Senates seats. Too Funny.
TashaFarker said,
December 12, 2006 @ 3:17 pm
What, nothing from Bush? Everything that man says is a joke (or an embarrassment).
ronaprhys said,
December 12, 2006 @ 3:25 pm
TashaFarker - hmmm. See number 5, then come back.
Yawn... said,
December 12, 2006 @ 3:35 pm
TashaFarker… Number 5 is from Bush. Your post was worthless and a waste of your time, and mine for reading it.
I really didn’t find this list very humorous. Some were out of context, and anything can be funny when taken out of context. Some were just … lacking anything.
Larry King, Biden and Bush were probably the only amusing quotes.
Damien Walder said,
December 12, 2006 @ 3:56 pm
I say that the education Kerry spoke of was for the President, not his troops.
EG: “If you’re a stupid leader, you get stuck in _______(insert badly planned war torn country)”
But the larger context of his message (later taken clean out of that context, thanks very much) was that the priviledged could find ways of avoiding military service - in Republican America - not by resisting the government (BAD), but by leveraging their educational status. They would never have to choose the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines (!) as a means of employment. If you work for Grumman, these would be clients, but that’s different. Funny how Bush hasn’t been reminded how he avoided going to Vietnam (and even funnier now than National Guardsmen are getting eyeballed for overseas service).
Liberal Bias? In what country?
clkxx said,
December 12, 2006 @ 4:06 pm
Wait, I thought there wasn’t anything from Bush….
At least “Yawn” has such a sense of humor to bring it all together for us.
Mister Snitch! said,
December 12, 2006 @ 4:24 pm
“Ted Stevens: “The Internet is not something you just dump something on. It’s not a big truck. It’s a series of tubes.””
Take Stevens off your list - he was merely prognosticating the emerging world dominance of YouTube.
Secular said,
December 12, 2006 @ 5:06 pm
Theo,
Direct democracy is great, in theory. You get exactly what the people want. But, as we have seen before, persons are smart, people are stupid (i.e. Run up to Iraq War). If we actually get educated people who care about America in to office, the system works. If you end up with people who get in only because they can scare people and out spend their opponent, you get the 109th congress. But I digress, I’m surpirsed you left out one of the funniest quotes of all time (and yes I know it isnt from 2006 but this is timeless):
“You’re doing a heckuva job Rummy.”
Dahnch said,
December 12, 2006 @ 5:09 pm
Damien Walder:
So how did Clinton get out of Vietnam?
The stupid little game of calling everyone who didn’t see combat a draft doger and everyone who did a hero should stop. There are usually both conservatives and liberals on both sides of any war. Ben Franklin would be a good example to those who can read and comprehend. The problem is nobody bothers to read and comprehend so we get a bunch of idiots like Clinton, GW, Patrick “$350 DUI” Kennedy, and Ted “Clogged Tubes” Stevens.
You simply cannot call GW a draft doger without calling Clinton the same. Calling them names still does not say anything useful. Doing actual research (not finding data to support your belief, that’s an intellectual hand job) might actually clue you in on the situation.
LarryH said,
December 12, 2006 @ 6:45 pm
Credit JFK(Mr. Kerry) with implicitly elightening us about his REPEATED attempts at humor - jokes which soar over the heads of normal folks. Remember his botched joke about our troops terrorizing women and children in the dark of night?
It’s now been two times that I’ve seen a car at a gas station with that 2004-election-sticker on the back. While my gas pump is dispensing, I’ve sidled over and pointed at the Kerry-Edwards sticker, “HALP us Jon Carry, We’R STUCK hear’n IRAK! HALP us Jon Carry, We’R STUCK hear’n IRAK! …. (repeatedly seeking JFK’s help.) Other folks begin coming over in support. The second incident was noteworthy: the driver yelled to me “It was a joke!” so I assumed my normal dialect and asked him “So what was the punch line? Each of his jokes had to have a punch so… what was the punch line?”
The guy tries to put together the recent claimed punch line: “Uh, if you don’t study, you’ll get us into the next Iraq quagmire.” The immediate response was, “NO, NO, not the recent botched joke …. the most FAMOUS of Kerry’s botched jokes. Come’on you know the punch line of his most famous botched joke, what was it? What was the punch line?” The guy was flummoxed, then another chap who had come over said to the Kerry fan, “Come on what’s the punch line!”
Providing additional exhortation, “You’ve repeatedly heard Kerry’s most famous botched-joke punch line. …Think man … think!” Naturally I had to help further: “The poor Senator simply cannot proficiently present his punch lines. What a pitiful development; his Brahmin essence goes right over our heads year after year. What’s the punch line of his most famous botched joke??”
The democrat was clearly confused or stumped.
“Kerry’s most famous botched punch line was ‘Genghis Khan’. When Kerry was testifying in the senate years before he arrived via his electorate, he only meant to crack a joke. It was simply a joke. His distinctive pronunciation was meant to help us dullards recognize the punch line. Stupid us. He’s so smart; too smart to present a punch line. ‘Genghis Khan.’ ‘Genghis Khan’.”
drtaxsacto said,
December 12, 2006 @ 7:46 pm
Thanks for this. What amazes me is that you can limit it to 10 - but you certainly have chosen some of the best comments. Why not next year offer a vote for people to choose the 10 best?
Andrew said,
December 12, 2006 @ 8:25 pm
I think #2 should be the new #1. Kerry’s comment was, sadly, pretty accurate. The Army has lowered their standards significantly just to get warm bodies over to Iraq. I’m sure a significant number of the combat troops currently there were able to pass the tests (with help from the recruiters), but they were far from the top of their class, and in some cases did not actually graduate from high school. Currently, the main requirement for combat troops is that they be alive when they are sent over there. They are not required or expected to stay that way for their return trip home.
vinzago said,
December 12, 2006 @ 11:35 pm
LarryH, what the ef are you talking about?! Talk about a missing punchline. I’m still scratching my head. But then I’m just a humorless Democrat…
I’m not a Kerry fan, but the fact is that his reference *was* about the administration, not the troops. To pretend otherwise is to be dishonest.
malclave said,
December 13, 2006 @ 12:13 am
Well, considering that there is no evidence that Senator Kerry ever studied hard, did his homework, or made an effort to be smart… at least we now know that we would still be in Iraq and with things just as bad had he won in 2004. After all, he said it himself.
Andrew said,
December 13, 2006 @ 12:47 am
To be fair, the Wexler comment was made entirely as a joke. It was supposed to be a satire on this sort of thing, since he was running unopposed.
paperflowers said,
December 13, 2006 @ 5:51 am
note to self: next year read the list; ignore the commentary following. i keep forgetting that theres always those people who will just can’t stand to let something done in the spirit of good humor alone. they will find something to whine and complain about, throw in a political agenda conspiracy and if all else fails they’ll go after my spelling.
bah humbug. go watch that Dr. Suess movie about The Grinch and lighten up.
happy & safe holidays to all,
~paperflowers~
Tom said,
December 13, 2006 @ 9:30 am
“Funny how Bush hasn’t been reminded how he avoided going to Vietnam (and even funnier now than National Guardsmen are getting eyeballed for overseas service).”
Back then, the National Guard was being deployed to Vietnam and Bush, as a fighter pilot, had a greater chance of seeing duty than Kerry did. Kerry enlisted (when he learned he would be drafted anyway) to get his choice of assignments - and chose one that had not seen ANY action yet. When his position was redeployed to see action, he copped three purple bandaids and got out quick.
Why do you think he could get only 8 of the 254 men he served with to support him?
Matt said,
December 13, 2006 @ 8:33 pm
Andrew:
What are you talking about? I invite you to go with me the next time I deploy to Iraq (4th time is a charm, I understand), and tell the troops that they are substandard. This should be fun.
Nathan said,
December 14, 2006 @ 5:50 am
Secular, “Brownie” was the one doing a heckuva job, not Rummy. I know, I know, they all blur together, don’t they.
vinzago, this is an honest question: in the aftermath, did Kerry ever specify that he was referring to the administration, and if so, when? Because, while that’s certainly a clever angle to take with it, I don’t think it has much credibility if Kerry didn’t spell it out that way.
LarryH said,
December 14, 2006 @ 7:21 am
John Kerry: “If you make the most of (education), you study hard, you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.”
vinzago, if JFK managed to botch his joke, then what did he intend to speak when the words “…you get stuck in Iraq” came out of his mouth? What was …. the punch line? If JFK did, indeed, plan to use just the words “…you get stuck in Iraq” then what intonation or timing(pause?) would have made it a joke?
vinzago, please substantiate your seemingly implausible claim. Apparently JFK did not recognize at the time that he’d presented a botched joke. Didn’t he expect a certain response, if he thought it was a joke at the time? Is he regularly in touch with the demeanor of those around him? After he claimed it was a botched joke, did he demonstrate how he would have presented it so that it was, indeed, a non-botched joke? It appears that JFK dissembled via the “botch” claim a few days later; have you done likewise?
“i keep forgetting that theres always those people who will just can’t stand to let something done in the spirit of good humor alone.” paperflowers, please include on your list not just spelling but syntax. Whose GOOD humor are you referring to?
Face said,
December 14, 2006 @ 10:30 am
Gawd, I loved it so much when Ted Stevens was learnin’ us all ’bout the internets. What do you call that; un-educated, out-of-touch, senile or just stupid. I can’t decide.
Freedom isn't Free said,
December 15, 2006 @ 10:08 am
Andrew,
The percentage of high school graduates in the military is higher than the general population. Try to have a clue before bad mouthing the people who give you the right to be a dumb ass.
I think we know Kerry’s opinion about our troops thanks to his slanderous statements he has made about them over his career, so it’s not a stretch to think he was insulting the troops instead of a lame effort to insult W (who I am no fan of BTW).
People criticizing the list need to relax. There were stupid and/or funny statements from both sides.
Thanks and cheers.
Joshuasgrandma said,
December 27, 2006 @ 3:05 pm
Re: Kerry’s Joke
….You get US stuck in Iraq!!! He left out the US, put it in and the whole thing makes perfect sense. Bush was a mediocre C- student who didn’t do his homework on warfare and wouldn’t even listen to his dad. He gets us stuck in Iraq!
After reading the blog reaction, it’s so clear how people’s preconceived notions skew their ability to comprehend.
chtqua said,
December 28, 2006 @ 6:23 am
ok, jokes can be botched, blundered into, and be wildly, amusingly, inappropriate
but which incident caused the biggest political earthquake?
did “macaca” (shudda been on the list!) torpedo a future president?
did “poor students to Iraq” euthanize a wannabe president?
did “shades on” do nothing more than what a fraternity president would sarcastically say?
did “indian accent” derail a future university president?
did “smells of sulpher” enhance a foreign president?
did “chocolate” go flying over the heads of whites?
did “hezbollah view” escalate the administration’s attacks on public media?
did “heck of a job, brownie” (in ‘05) provide the hinge that swung opinion against W et al?
Alexandria said,
February 22, 2007 @ 3:34 pm
Seriously nothing from Bush? Nothing here comes close to some of the things that come out of his mouth.
Alexandria said,
February 22, 2007 @ 3:38 pm
“You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.” –George W. Bush, interview with CBS News’ Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006
Quidam said,
February 22, 2007 @ 3:41 pm
“I’m the decider, and I decide what is best. And what’s best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense.” –George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. April 18, 2006
steve said,
February 21, 2008 @ 10:50 pm
“If you make the most of (education), you study hard, you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.”
Are you people really so dense that you don’t see he was talking about BUSH?
Bush who was mediocre at everything in college. He was even a 2nd string cheerleader in college for God’s sake. I am not kidding.